Breaking News! Castle evacuated!

Duchy Castle, at XX E. X, stands silent, guarded by grim policemen, after today's threats of violence and terrorism. Authorities have not disclosed any details. According to some reports, men with guns were seen in the halls of the Castle during an important meeting of village headmen. Speculation was rampant. Terrorism, gunman, disgruntled teachers, and bombs were all mentioned. Details are very sketchy at this point but this conversation was overheard before the castle occupants fled for their lives... or an afternoon off.
First woman "My friend saw men with guns so we called 911 and got out of there. I was so scared!"
Friend "I said I saw a man with GUB! What were you calling 911 about? How come we get to go home early?"
First woman "She means GUNS! Of course I called 911."
Friend "I hab a code. I said GUB! He was chewing GUB!! It should be against the law.!"
First woman "Oh. Well, we got to leave early anyway. See you tomorrow!"
Occupants of the SNEAC building were jealous "Nothing ever happens here!" "That's because they can't find us since Homeland Security said that we couldn't have a map or a sign." "When are we going to get to go home early, huh? It's months before it's hot enough to break the air-conditioning so we can leave!"
In other news the SNEAC building is being painted a lovely shade of pink. Reaction of the occupants...."It didn't look pink in the sample."

All Quiet in Dotland

The Duchy is very quiet these days. The Black Dot Queen and her henchman are apparently on vacation. And when the Black Dot Queen is not making mischief and vandalizing library programs, the Dots aren't agitated. Some of the Dots are even Taking Time Off. Others are going about their Dotly duties, making sure thing run smoothly. The only niggling concern is whether the Black Queen is really on vacation or just plotting more mischief. What will the new year bring from Black Dot Castle?
In other news, the Dotland Quilts are now online at http://barbssewing.pbwiki.com/.

Destiny awaits or The Queens new computer system

Lime Green Knight says Destiny conversion will be "transparent".

The Lime Green Knight says that the conversion to Destiny will be "transparent". The Dots are wondering what that means. The Dots thought it meant "free from guile, candid or open", so that all of the "stakeholders", the librarians, the peasants, the village headmen and, yea, even the Dots, would be informed of all discussions. This is obviously not true since a meeting about the conversion was held last Friday and only Sage and Silver were invited...and only for part of the meeting. Then Silver found a different definition of transparent on the the WEB. According to that definition, transparent means you can't see what they are doing. That definition matches very well with the way the Black Queen operates. She definitely doesn't want people seeing what she does. Then there is the definition of transparent that is like window glass...you can see through the window and if it's very clean, you can't see the window glass itself. It's invisible. So maybe Destiny is also invisible, or as we say in the computer biz, "virtual". If Destiny is "virtual" then it would work with virtual servers, virtual networks, and a virtual student download from the Great Desert software. That must be it. That must be why the Black Queen and the Lime Green Knight keep saying we don't need to worry about network speed even though our networks consist primary of geriatric hamsters running on old squeaky wheels. Destiny, the Queen's new computer system, must be virtual. The Lime Green Knight said that the purpose of the meeting Friday was to "answer questions". Silver and Sage did ask a lot of questions however, neither Silver nor Sage can remember any answers being given. Maybe the answers are virtual as well.


If the Black Queen's operations were actually transparent, perhaps there wouldn't be quite as many of these "stakeholders".

Destiny

Are you findin' Destiny fair, Silver, Sage, Black Queen and Lime?
Remember taxpayers will pay for your share, if you think Destiny's fine.

The Black Queen invited Sage and Silver to an audience last week with IDEA, the Lime Green Knight, and the Lords of Folly and Destiny. Silver wasn't quite sure what the meeting was about. Silver and Sage discussed cataloging arcana to the dismay of the Black Queen who kept poking her blackberry imp in a effort to find out who this guy MARC is. Most of Silver's questions started out with "When...?" and were answered with "We'll decide that later." "Later, when?" "We'll decide that later as well." Silver suspects the answer is "After you leave the room." but then Silver always was something of a pessimist. The Lords of Folly had a Powerpoint but none of the slides seemed to have the answers to questions either. Then Silver and Sage were dismissed and the next group was admitted to Audience. According to IDEA, the Duchy is reluctant to consider allowing students to look at library catalogs from home citing "Security Issues". Possibly the Black Queen is afraid that this guy MARC is a terrorist? Possibly MARC is a member of dreaded DDC Underground, dedicated to classifying all of the knowledge in the world? Later Purple and Silver discussed the question of Security. Purple thinks the right approach is to equip all workstations with a Matthew Brady Security System, a black hood attached to the monitor, with drawcords like a theatre curtain. When a user is accessing secret information like library records they can throw the hood over their head and shoulders thus protecting the free world from knowledge of the existence of Books... in School Libraries.
Incidentally, if you think the DDC Underground is just another urban myth, you should read about their counterpart organization, Al Gebra.
In this busy holiday season, while celebrating Christmas, Kwanzaa, and Hanukkah, don't forget to include Holiday, the Pastafarian winter holiday.
Happy Holiday!

Mysterious appearances in Dotland

Once again the SNEAC building is the site of uncanny occurrences. Bundles of curious metal cages have been appearing in unusual places, then disappearing and reappearing in other places. Some sort of structure is being built across the ceiling, going around the edges of the room, disappearing into holes in the ceiling even though no workers are ever seen. Is this some sort of Close Encounters thing? Are aliens building a mysterious device to trap the inhabitants of the SNEAC building? (Well, probably aliens are building it. Aliens do all of the construction in Arizona.) Silver thinks the new structure looks like a hamster run. Sage is hoping it's a track for an electric train. She thinks a nice train running around below the ceiling, blowing its whistle at crossing, would add a nice homey atmosphere to the place. Bringing the Dots back down to Earth, Black-and-Yellow Dot of Bombs and Engineering, says the new structure is cable runs for wiring. Of course, one of the other Dots heard a rumor that the SNEAC building is going wireless. Let's see. The SNEAC building is currently wired but doesn't have any cable runs. Now it's going to be wireless so they are installing cable runs for the non-wires. Makes perfect sense.

Holidays in Dotland

Dotland, and the rest of the SNEAC building, has been decorated for the holidays, Christmas tree and all. The Dots were invited to a Christmas party by the Black Queen but decided it wouldn't fit into their busy social schedule. (Actually, invitations from the Black Queen always make the Dots nervous and they have to go and lie down in a darkened room.) Blue is on a trip. Sage is immersed in arcane cataloging spells. Silver sits in her cubby all day poking at the Grand Union and muttering "That's not right.." under her breath. Purple and Turquoise are kept busy answering budget questions (But how can I be overdrawn when I still have checks left!) Maybe it's time for a looong vacation. What do you think?

What's happening in Libraryland?

IDEA would very much like all of the Duchy or at least the LibraryLand part of it to reside in the Province of Perfect, where all books and other things are perfectly cataloged , all libraries spend all of their budget but not a penny more, and all libraries have enough computers. Unfortunately, the Duchy is not being cooperative about being perfect. So IDEA and the Dots spent the day pondering some eternal questions.
Why are some libraries over budget and it's not even Christmas?
Why does the librarian who cares the most about perfect records get all of the really bad ones? Some librarians don't really care how it looks and the Grand Union never dumps really bad records on them.
Why have some library computers mysteriously (or maybe not so mysteriously) disappeared?
Why doesn't the Duchy have an official definition of a Teacher-Librarian, even though GoG insists that she created one? Is it possible that GoG's creations just melt away over time like snowflakes in the sun? Is the Black Queen hoping that GoG can make DotLand melt away over time?
Why can't even the Diva get Professional Learning credit approved by the Preventer of Professional Learning? (IDEA has been assured that the Preventer of Professional Learning will approve HER paperwork. Silver has heard THAT before.)
Well, that's enough deep thoughts for a Friday afternoon. It's time to go out and play!

News from Dotland

News! What News? Since nothing much new has been happening in Dotland, we'll talk about what hasn't happened.

• The call for a replacement of IDEA has not been made. (Actually, since the new one is supposed to be permanent and full time, it wouldn't really be IDEA. Maybe just DEA?) The original announcement that there would be a new Director attracted a lot of attention. However, those eager applicants holding their breath waiting for the promised announcement have long since succumbed to lack of oxygen. Librarians are assuring IDEA that she is not interim at all but permanent. This is not welcome news to IDEA who has been thinking deep green thoughts of spring and topsoil and petunias and seedling tomatoes.
• Silver's promised new robes have not yet appeared. Labor problems? A strike at the factory perhaps? The designer broke his favorite pencil and was unable to continue? Silver has given up and is making her own robes.
• Destiny (or Fate or Doom or Dynasty or whatever you want to call it) has still not appeared either. Maybe this is a good time to explain the meaning of strophe and antistrophe. Picture a Greek chorus consisting of Gog and the Lime Green Knight, in appropriate Greek robes, dancing off stage left singing "Des-tiny is coming to town...by Christmas" (to the tune of "Santa Claus is coming to town"). That's strophe. Now picture the Black Dot Queen (I don't think we want to picture her in Greek robes, though. Let's just stick to her normal black robes with the ermine trim.) dancing off stage right singing "I never ever said that at all!" That's antistrophe.

Well, that's the non-news for today. We'll see what doesn't happen tomorrow. (Space is always an issue in publishing. With so much not happening, some non-events are bound to be omitted. We apologize if your favority non-event was overlooked.)

Dispatches from Dotland

To quote from Non Sequitur, Arizona Daily Star, November 29, 2006
"I don't get it. After all the budget cuts to streamline the workforce, why aren't we moving faster?" (picture of a large boat with committee on the upper deck and 1 lone rower in the galley)

Due to completely forseen circumstances, your faithful correspondent has been completely unfaithful and has been spending lots of time playing and eating instead of paying attention to business and Dotland. And your faithful correspondent had better shape up and quit eating before she has to be rolled out the door!

Correction:
In our last dispatch, we discussed the presentation to the peasants by a CLAPTRAP (Curriculum, Learning And Professional Teaching Refused And Postposed) representative. That was their old name. That department is now known as PL, Preventing Learning. The full name is Preventing Learning At All Costs or PLAAC, pronounced with a hawking sound in the back of the throat and followed by spitting and making the sign to ward off the evil eye. In either incarnation, PLAAC is feared by all. Even the normally poised Diva is known to look harassed and mutter when the name is spoken. Indigo Dot and some artists from Studioland hatched a plot to teach teachers how to use art to teach mathematics and science and history. Indigo tried to get this approved by PLAAC. Indigo has been unwilling to discuss the experience and will probably need long term counseling to recover. Currently the Diva has put on extra armor and is planning to storm PLAAC soon.

Silver overheard the following exchange in the PLAAC office:
Teacher "I taught a course this summer and I'm here to collect the PL credit. "
PLAAC "Did you file forms A and B."
Teacher "Yes, I filed forms A, B, C, D, and E."
PLAAC "All you have to do now is bring me form C."
Teacher "I already filed form C." (Denial)
PLAAC " You have to bring me form C."
Teacher "I gave you form C already."
PLAAC "You have to bring me form C."
Teacher with gritted teeth "I filed form C with forms A and B already." (Anger)
PLAAC "You have to bring me form C."
Teacher "Do you mean you want me to fill out a new form C."
PLAAC "No, you have to turn in the form C that goes with your form A and B."
Teacher "I don't have that form C. I gave it to you."
PLAAC "You have to bring me form C."
Teacher "Can you make a copy of the form C I already turned in so that I can give it to you?" (Bargaining)
PLAAC "No, you have to bring me form C."
Teacher "Can I see the form C I turned in?" (More bargaining)
PLAAC " No, you have to bring me form C."
Teacher "What am I going to do? I don't have form C because I gave it to you. I promised my wife I would get this credit so I would get a step increase so we can afford the surgery for my mother. Now everyone will be mad at me." (Depression)
PLAAC "You have to bring me form C."
After several more equally hopeless rounds the teacher gave up and walked away. (Acceptance)
Silver looked to see if she could tell where the PLAAC robot was plugged in but was unable to locate the wires. Maybe it's a wireless robot like a Roomba. At least the Roomba vacs the floor!

New IDEAS

The peasants gathered today with the new IDEA to meet all of the new peasants. There is now a peasant for every village. (We hope that works out better than a chicken for every pot.) Blue, Sage, turquoise, and Silver were all present and learned a lot of new things. The Duchy will no longer have a fixed number of peasants. If there are more students, the Duchy will find more peasants. (Silver rolled her eyes.) They found out why the the high school libraries got no deseg funds this year. "We didn't know who to ask about the deseg funds." (Silver ground her teeth and muttered "That's because the Black Dot Queen fired everyone who knew anything.") They found out about extra money for next year's magazine order. The White Queen has money for next year's magazine order that will be dispensed either (Option A) according to the size of the schools, which will be unfair to tiny schools or (Option B) some other way that won't be unfair to tiny schools but will probably be unfair to large schools. The IDEA will ask the Black Dot Queen to choose Option A or Option B. This correspondent predicts that her Blackness will pick Option C, invest the money in an account while she makes the decision. The account will of course have a service charge so that by the time the Queen picks either A the B, the money will all be gone (or the magazines gone out of business.) The meeting also had a representative from Curriculum, Learning, And Professional Teaching Refused And Postponed (CLAPTRAP) who talked about training. The CLAPTRAP representative said that the Duchy considered customer services VERY IMPORTANT. (Silver ground her teeth VERY LOUDLY and her neighbor swatted her.) The new IDEA and the Dots prefer the "drive-by" training they have always done. CLAPTRAP prefers that we have long engagements with their professional torturers to drive-by encounters with the Dots. The Dots, they say, don't do sufficient followup. (Silver muttered, "You mean they don't want to throw themselves out the window after we're done with them.")
Silver and Sage also got to talk about their friend Marc. Some of the peasants already hang out with Marc but some of the other are not sure Marc is friendly. The new IDEA and Sage and Silver believe that Marc can help us eliminate funkiness. The new IDEA said "There will be no more of that old funkiness. From now on, we will have new and improved funky." Silver and Sage both agreed strongly.

All quiet on the Dotland Front

Things are very, very quiet in Dotland. Purple is on the sea. Pink is out in a village. Navy is with the buses. Gold is gone (sigh). Without Navy there just isn't as much music although Sage boosts our spirits by dancing. Is the quiet because everyone is waiting for the Black Queen to drop the next shoe? How many shoes does the Black Queen have? Probably fewer pairs of shoes than Silver. But the real question is how many shoes can the Black Queen wear at one time? Is it 2... or is it 8? (Now you're just being catty. It's back in the box for you!)

Hawaii (for Purple)

For Purple (with apologies to Arlo Guthrie)
Coming into Hilo from over the sea
Sailing in a big sea liner
Flowers flyin' everywhere around the ship
Could you ever feel much finer?

Coming into port for the day,
wearing a lokilani lei,
Don't touch that bag till I say,
Mister Purser Man

Annals of interior decorating

This was Dotland before the Black Dot Queen redecorated. The pleasing paint colors, the functional and welcoming front door, the comfortable interior were all left from the Diva's previous redecoration. Of course, the Black Dot Queen wanted to put her own STAMP (spoken firmly with a sharp stomping movement of the right foot) on Dotland.
The Black Dot Queen has a unique decorating style, sometimes described with words such as "broken", "disfunctional" and "catastophic". She calls the style "rightsizing". Dotland after the Black Dot Queen's attentions is shown below. This is a variant of rightsizing normally referred to as "capsizing" or sometimes "dumbsizing". The caution tape adds a nice touch. While the Queen was able to "redecorate" Dotland, she had only limited success in redecorating the Dots. She was able to eliminate Pink and Navy from the color palatte but Silver broke out in Fuschia and the Dots bring in Indigo and Cornflower to round out their original color palatte. Note the lack of an entrance. The Black Dot Queen hoped that eliminating an entrance into Dotland will make it easier for her to close it completely. However, with typical dotgenuity, the Dots and their friends manage to carry on.

Mysterious explosion rocks SNEAC

The normally quiet SNEAC building was jarred today by a series of explosions coming from Dotland. Despite initial reports of casualties and massive damage, Dotland and the rest of the SNEAC building appear to be intact. Survivors were initially dazed and confused. "I just ducked and ran for cover" reported one Dot. Investigators tracing the source of the explosions were able to determine that the new IDEA had exploded all over the Diva. The Dots were initially puzzled by the eruption. However, after discussion, the Dots concluded that the Black Queen has been stuffing the new IDEA with radioactive toxic waste about the Diva, turning the new IDEA into a ticking time bomb. After the Black Queen's preparation, it took only a simple word from the Diva to trigger the detonation. The Dots are trying to determine whether it will be necessary to call the Hazardous Waste Department to decontaminate the area. The Diva was seen leaving the building shortly after the outburst, looking shaken but unhurt. The IDEA was seen at the daily potluck looking somewhat deflated but otherwise normal. Since there is no discernible debris field, the Dots are hoping that tomorrow will bring a return to normalcy for Dotland.

Fate or Doom and do we care?

Silver was back today looking somewhat tired and bedraggled. "Bad night?" asked Purple. "I caught Fuschia trying to turn my cat into a needlepoint wallhanging. Said she was practicing to turn the Black Queen into a footstool.. Or may it was a toadstool..* Anyway I had to throw her out. And she left such a mess, glitter and pink feathers all over everything!"
Later Silver and Sage went to a meeting with the new IDEA, the Lime Green Knight, and some librarians. GoG was also there which precluded festivities like burning GoG in effigy. The purpose was to discuss Destiny, which Fuschia calls Fate, but Silver sometimes thinks should be called Doom. Silver was dubious about whether the Duchy was really prepared to deal with Doom. She was worried about the ability of the Duchy's many older pigeons to carry all the messages Doom would require. The Lime Green Knight assured everyone that the Duchy's pigeons were in fine form, ready to triumph in the Senior Pigeon Olympics, and more than adequate to the task of dealing with Doom. Fuschia, who had crept back and was hiding in a corner, eavesdropping, muttered "I think the Lime Green Knight has been drinking too much Lime Green Limacol**." The meeting concluded with a lively discussion of censorship and sex among vampires, werewolves, and wererats. (Bet you wish you'd signed up for THAT committee now!!)
-----------------------------------------
* Pink sign seen in the Blue Willow parking lot.
Princess Parking
All others will be Toad.
Silver thinks it's her personal parking spot.
-----------------------------------------
**Limacol is a lime green refreshing hair tonic, mouthwash, deodorant and beverage once very popular in Jamaica, mon.

Halloween in Dotland

Today was Halloween in Dotland. Of course, there are those who say that every day in the Duchy is pretty scary. The Dots and the rest of the building celebrated the occasion with a potluck. Attracted by food, Fuschia, the Follay Fairy (pronounced faux - lay, (quiet, Purple!), spelled Follett, referred to by many as Folly) was flitting about the building all day in her feathery finery, flapping her magic wand at Folly, and finally interfering in folk's affairs. Silver was nowhere to be seen but the ghost of Gold was seen several times, accompanied by the ominous clunking that Turquoise so fears. Taking advantage of Silver's absence, Fuschia fidgeted her way into a face-to-face with the Diva, ferreting out facts about Silver's new fashions. "So when will Silver be fitted in the finest fashion?" asked Fuschia. "The costumer says that as long as Silver is wearing her current robes no new robes can be created." replied the Diva. "What will that fashion be?" fussed Fuschia. "I don't have details" said the Diva "but the new robes will come from TiTS". "Hmmm.." said Fuschia fluttering away. Next Fuschia went to talk to Purple. "The Diva feels that Silver's finery will be fashioned by TiTS. I fear Silver might fail to find the fitness in that." "You're right" Purple replied "Garments from TiTS tend to be rather industrial and full of wires." "The Diva also says that also long as Silver wears her current robes, no new robes can be fashioned..." "Oh..." said Purple, encouraging Fuschia to continue (big mistake, Fuschia needs no encouragement.) "OK" said Fuschia "forget the folderol. Are they saying that because Silver is being paid as a temp hourly, they can't possibly advertise a permanent full-time position? Does that make any sense at all? And people say I'm foolish! And do they mean that Silver has to quit as a temp-hourly and then the full-time job will suddenly appear? Do they expect her to fall for that?! You want my opinion, I think they need to go back to firing her by pigeon!" Fuschia shoved her feathers back and stomped off, irritably flicking her wand at unsuspecting flies.
Later, Fuschia came across a very blue Blue who blew her stack. "The new IDEA leaves me out of meetings. No one tells me what is happening. I only know what I read in agitateddots." "Join the club" muttered Fuschia glumly, "Silver never tells me anything." The other Dots, being more sensible than Fuschia, gathered around to remind Blue of her importance to Dotland. "You're still the boss" said Sage. "No, I'm not" wailed Blue, "IDEA is the boss". "No,Boss, I still respect you at the same level of bossiality" replied Sage. "Yes" said Purple "you have the same bossivity." "But I never wanted to be the Boss. I'm just the referee" moped Blue. "OK, Ref" responded Purple and Sage "You're always the Blue Dot but we don't want you to be a blue Blue Dot!"

The Black Queen strikes again

The Black Queen came out of seclusion today to slap Silver's hand for "shouting", in Capitals, by pigeon, at TiTS. Silver was nonplused. "That was only emphasis. Shouting would be much larger, 16 pt and bold at least. Besides it was only two words. If I don't send them pigeons like that once in a while, they'll think I don't love them any more." The Black Queen also suggested that Silver shout at the new IDEA instead of TiTS. Silver wasn't thrilled with that either. "Why would I shout at IDEA? She's fun to have around." It sounds like the Black Queen is up to her old tricks of sowing discord. It must be very frustrating for her to have to deal with Dotland, Studioland, and librarians all of whom live to collaborate, facilitate and have celebratory potlucks.

GLUE

Today I was simply GLUED to the blog by Purple's comment. Things like that are the GLUE that hold us all together. If only we have more of that kind of GLUE in the Duchy, I'm sure we would all be GLUED to our desks by the pleasure of work. Instead we have the Black Queen who is sort of like that GLUEY stuff you find on the bottom of your shoe. The Black Queen obviously needs GLUE to hold her schemes together, however, I'm not sure there's enough GLUE in the world for that. Now I must go. I have GLUING to do.

Glue

"Glue" said Turquoise.
"What?" asked Silver.
"Glue. We have a PO. We have the possibility of possibly possessing paste at some point." Replied Turquoise. (Boy, contact with Fuschia, the Follay Fairy has some odd effects, doesn't it?)
"Why are you whispering?" inquired Silver.
"Don't you remember? The last time I mentioned you-know-what in public I got my hand slapped good!" Turquoise responded.
"Oh, right. Well, what will you do now?"
"I'm not sure. I could send a pigeon to the villages telling them we have, or least soon will have, you-know-what. But I'm not sure that telling them we have...you-know-what is positive enough." explained Turquoise.
"Why not? Having something seems more positive than not having something."
"Yes, but saying that we HAVE something raises the possibility that we could also NOT HAVE something."
"Oops, you're right. We don't want any more hand-slapping incidents."
Turquoise and Silver went off to talk it over with Blue, Purple and Sage.

Dishing with the Dots

The Dots were discussing current events (and other things) at lunch today. "One of the villages was had a lock down yesterday" said Silver. "Why?" asked Sage. "They had to call the police about a suicidal villager" responded Silver. "No!" gasped the Dots "What happened?" "Shot him" volunteered Purple. "With a tranquilizer dart" said Silver. "What!?" exclaimed Turquoise. "It's all right. They'll relocate him in a natural habitat, a village in a better neighborhood, maybe" continued Silver. The other Dots agreed that would work and went back to discussing lunch.

Fushia, the Follay Fairy

Today we caught up with Fuschia, the Follay Fairy, taking a Pepsi break. She was looking a little frazzled.
"'sup, Fushia" we asked.
"I'm furious" she fumed "I fear that some librarians and Dot Castle types feel that libraries shouldn't find out about Cataloging because Fate and Always Perfect will replace Cataloging. Even when I show them that Always Perfect isn't actually Perfect and that Fate isn't a destination, they still flail about trying to fling more fortune to fix failures. (Fushia uses a lot of F words, but not THE F word.)
"What does Fate have to do with it?" we inquired.
"Oh, I'm sorry. You may know it as Destiny but I call it Fate."
"What are your plans?" we asked.
"I fancy introducing my friend, Marc, to the peasants."
"We've heard that Marc is pretty fearsome" we said. (Now she's got us doing it.)
"Well, Marc is not favored in face, sort of a fine fellow in frog's clothing. But if you figure out how to fiddle with Marc, he can facilitate fifth graders finding their fill of fabulous facts. I feel that if we form fellowships with the peasants and Marc, everyone would feel finer.
"We've heard that meetings, fellowships, and especially, training are frowned upon by the castle" we said.
"That's factual" Fushia replied "but we've found that while training is frowned on, awareness is fine. So my friends in Dotland and I fancy that facilitating an awareness of Marc in peasants and librarians might frame finer libraries."
"And what of Destiny?"
"You mean Fate. Fate is the least of our problems. If Dotland, the peasants, and the librarians, are allowed to formulate a feasible framework for following Fate, we will find the future favorable. Now I have to go" she said firmly, finishing her Pepsi, and giving a final fidget to her finery.

Numbers

Today we are going to talk about some numbers. The Castle seems to be determined to buy Destiny from the Folly company. Possibly you would be interested in the price tag for Destiny. If the Castle has a current price quote for Destiny, they have not seen fit to share it with Dotland. However, Mohave Educational Services Cooperative has a quote. The site claims that the quote is good until 2009 although the quote itself claims to expire 12/31/2004. However, maybe the numbers in the quote can give us a rough idea of the bottom line. Destiny Library Manager for school districts with 51 or more schools has a list price of $2500 per site for districts with current support for Cataloging and Circulation. That would be about $250,000 if our support were current. Since it's not, if we have to pay back support, that would be about $312,000. In addition, the Castle also seems to be determined to buy textbook handling from Destiny. It's called Destiny Textbook Manager which lists at $2099 per site. That's about $209,900. So that's a total of $521,900 spent for library and textbook software at a time when the Duchy is cutting library support jobs, like Gold. Some of the Dots are pretty agitated about this!

More disappearances in Dotland?

Gold is gone!
This tear-stained missive was found crumpled outside Silver's cubicle. There is speculation that this latest disappearance is linked to the earlier Dotland Disappearances, reported by True Crime Weekly on August 22. The Dotland Police were unwilling to comment but did confirm that Gold had not been seen for several days. The Dotland Daily recieved an anonymous pigeon (it was gray) stating that the new IDEA was responsible for "vanishing" Gold. IDEA refused to comment on Gold but did say that Turquoise would be handling barcodes. When this was reported to Turquoise she shuddered..."I hate the clunking...the clunking like the footsteps of a mad-eyed killer climbing up the cellar stares, dripping knife in hand... " she shuddered again "You'll have to excuse me now. I have estress." Silver just sobbed and slammed the door.

Daring daylight robbery at Dot Castle!

The Dotland Daily
Today the SNEAC building was buzzing with the news of a daring daylight robbery at Dot Castle. A priceless architectural print was stolen from Dot Castle, in broad daylight, from under the noses of the Dot Castle staff. The Dotland Daily was able to obtain an exclusive interview with a Mystery Dot who may have been involved in the crime. Her, uh, the Dot's identity has been concealed.
Dotland Daily Were you acting alone?
Mystery Dot No.
DD Who else was involved?
Dot I have no comment at this time.
DD Why did you do it?
Dot I had no choice. The Diva was putting relentless pressure on us.
DD What did the Diva want?
Dot There was a bare spot on the wall and she wanted it covered up.
DD What did you do?
Dot We were desparate when someone remembered an architectural print in a stairwell in Dot Castle. He , uh, this person, said it had been there several years because it had fallen off the wall and no one could figure out whose responsibility it was to rehang it. He, uh, this person drew me a map. He, uh, this person, said I could go in the front door, straight to the stairwell, pick up the print and then walk casually out the side door with the print. I followed his, uh, this person's, instructions. No one even noticed me.
DD Where is the print now?
Dot Hanging on the bare spot.
DD What did the Diva say?
Dot She said "It's still kind of bare. Can you steal another one?" so we did.
DD You stole two prints from Dot Castle?!
Dot Naw, we just snuck into an empty office in the SNEAC building and took one off the wall.
DD Do you expect to be charged with robbery?
Dot If I get charged, I'm not going down alone! I want a lawyer!

The Dotland Daily was also able to talk with a witness from Dot Castle.
DD Did you see anything suspicious?
Witness No.
DD You didn't notice someone walking out with a huge architectural print?
Witness Oh, that! I saw that.
DD What did you say?
Witness Thank God! That thing has been in the way for two years now.

The Dotland Daily will continue to follow up on this breaking story.

Of Dots, Divas and Decorations

Earlier it was reported the Black Dot Queen was attempting to seize some of the Diva's real estate. There was a brisk exchange of pigeons before the Black Queen settled into her favorite tactic of arranging meetings that she could then cancel or be late for. The Diva, however, settled into decorating. The contested real estate has become a fully utilized mini-museum. The Diva is now working on redecorating the entire SNEAC building in preparation for a visit from Hahvahd while the Black Queen has canceled three meetings and a phone call. (I bet when she was young she held her breath until she turned blue...a really ugly blue, never a proper Dotly blue. The resulting brain damage might explain why she has never noticed that her tactics don't seem to work. ) The Dots, of course, always keep Dotland nicely decorated so they are ready for state visits any time. What is missing in Dotland is music. Navy has to send her songs in by pigeon and it's just not the same!

The Stealth Destiny

Sage and Silver went to a meeting today with the new IDEA and the Lime Green Knight and some interested librarians. The meeting was about Destiny and Folly. The Lime Green Knight revealed that Destiny has secretly (or stealthly) been installed at one of the villages. Not for the village to use, of course. Actually, Silver was not sure what it was for. The Lime Green Knight said he had a secret password that he couldn't tell anyone, especially Silver. Silver wonders what THEY are afraid of. Of course, Silver would also like to know who THEY are. The meeting talked a lot about Destiny but not a lot about the Duchy treasury. The Lime Green Knight didn't think we need to worry about the treasury. Why are we having meetings about Destiny when the Duchy can't afford alms for the peasants, pencils for the students, books for the library? Is this just another kind of "Strategic Planning" intended to keep us distracted until the Black Queen "vanishes" the rest of the Dots?

Technology Leadership

From the North Central Regional Educational Laboratory
Critical Issue: Technology Leadership
Reasons why efforts to improve schools may fail
The purpose is not made clear. Like, the Black Queen's plan that we still have not seen?
The participants are not involved in the planning. The decision to change the ordering process was made without asking ANY of the stakeholders, not the principals, not the office managers, not finance, not purchasing, not Dotland.
The appeal is based on personal reasons. What appeal?
The habit patterns of the work group are ignored. It's pretty hard to discover habit patterns without interacting with the work group.
There is poor communication regarding a change. No, there was NO communication.
There is fear of failure. Well, the Black Queen is definitely afraid of failure, with good reason.
Excessive work pressure is involved. Dumbsizing usually leads to excessive work pressure on those that remain.
The cost is too high, or the reward for making the change is seen as inadequate. Reward, what reward?
The present situation seems satisfactory. You mean like if it works don't fix it?
There is a lack of respect and trust in the change initiator. The Black Queen worked really hard to earn that lack of respect and trust.
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In the meantime, in addition to library book orders not getting done, apparently some school offices aren't getting their supply orders filled either. In addition to peasants without glue, we have students without pencils. The Duchy is unable to supply students with the minimum required by the state - 1 pencil per student per month! The Duchy is buying Smartypants boards, wooo, technology, but apparently can't find the money for pencils. Where is the money going!!!

Accountability

Since the Bored of Appeal ruled that the peasants would not get an upgrade in their alms allowance, I've been thinking about budgets and accountability. We've heard over and over from the Black Dot Queen that the villages have to be accountable for their spending. We've been told that the reason the parchment, scroll, and manuscript budget had to be moved to the villages was to give the villages more control and thus make them more accountable. I'm thinking that I would like Black Dot Castle to be more accountable. The Queen of the Realm gave the Duchy more money for scholars. The scholars have been asking where the money went. Duke Phfffr has had the Duchy Crier announce where the Realm's money went. The scholars seem to find the explanation insufficient. I want to know where the rest of the Duchy's money is going. Let's recap. Since last year, Dotland has been cut from 11 Dots to 4 and three quarters. Based on level of service, TiTS seems to have been cut deeply but no one is saying by how many. The Black Queen said that the villages were getting more money for scrolls this year, but it turned out that she had forgotten to add in the fees, taxes, and other levies and it's really just the same amount of money. The Duchy did not pay for Folly support this year. So where is all of the money the Duchy saved going? Why is the Duchy considering Destiny when the current staff can't even support the Duchy now? Why is the Duchy designing new robes for Silver? Silver did not ask for new robes. If we want to talk about real control and accountability, why weren't the villages allowed to choose whether they would rather have central order processing or do it themselves? Why was the decision for all schools made by a handful of headmen? Were those headmen elected by the other villages as their representatives? And the Bored of Appeal...who WERE they, what were their qualifications, what gave them the expertise to make the decision? Where is the accountability for any of these decisions?

Fuchsia or Magenta?

In Dotland, the leaves don't change color in the fall but Silver's hair does. She unveiled the new color but hasn't decided on a name yet. Fuchsia or Magenta? Any suggestions?

In other news, the Peasants are restless. Their request for an increase in alms was denied. Why? There's fairly wide agreement that peasants are working harder than ever. Even the Board of No Appeal recognized that Times Have Changed, however, still no more alms. Duke Phfffr is already in trouble over questions of Duchy assets. Has the Duke been playing the Old Shell Game with the alms? Actually we thought the Black Dot Queen had patented the Old Shell Game. Possibly the only solution is to insist that both of them keep their hands above the table and their sleeves rolled up at all times.

Secrets of SNEAC

Have you wondered why GoG is so reluctant to enter Dotland? Why does the Black Dot Queen say that the level of unrest and animosity in the Snavely-Nurdling Educational Assets Centre, home of Dotland, is such that UN peacekeepers are needed? And why is the Black Queen trying so hard to get two of her teachers into SNEAC? Your interpid reporter decided to do some on-location investigation. At first all seemed well. The people appeared friendly and welcoming. The first inkling of trouble came when I happened upon a meeting that included both Studioland and Dotland, heads close together, obviously collaborating. When they realized an outsider was present, they quickly snarled insults at each other and left. Looking back I saw them begin working together again. Later I see, Yellow-and-Black Dot from Bondland (no, not Bombland. There is no Bombland in the Duchy. Although with the level of unrest among both the peasants and the teachers, can Bombland be far behind?). Yellow-and-Black was having lunch with Red from ScienceLand and Purple from Dotland. Again, the congenial gathering was quickly broken up when they realized that I was a reporter. It was clear I wasn't going to find much without some real digging. Surreptiously opening an unguarded cabinet I found an ominous placard shoved behind some books. It said Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. By accident I came across the final and most damning piece of evidence. It was a portfolio with complete plans, drawings, and color schemes for creating an inviting workspace for the Black Queen's teachers. In addition to the space design there were plans for potlucks and other collaborations between StudioLand, Dotland, ScienceLand and the new teachers. The Black Queen is doomed. She will never understand why her new teachers are suddenly producing wonderful lessons that include art and science and library resources. No wonder GoG is so reluctant to come near SNEAC. GoG only collaborates with herself. She might melt if exposed to the normal level of cooperation in SNEAC.

Collaboration

Today in the regular staff meeting the Diva commented again on how well her staff works together with each other and with others with a spirit of true collaboration. She also commented that this behavior isn't common in the Duchy. We all know that is true, particularly in Black Dot Castle. I was thinking about different uses of the word collaboration. When it's used in the Duchy, everyone assumes it means "working together" hopefully for the common goal of improving the educational life of students. I'm thinking that in the Duchy, collaboration really has the other meaning of (from Wikipedia)

In certain political contexts (such as a state of war) the term collaboration (ism) or collaborator may refer (pejoratively) to individuals who are claimed to have been working with an outside entity against their own societies.

Certainly it seems that the Black Dot Queen believes that everyone is out to diminish her power. Of course, at this point that's completely true. Would it be true if the Black Queen had dealt with others in a spirit of true collaboration in the first place? Actually at this point it seems like the attitude toward the Black Dot Queen is more like "We're busy working here. Could you please go play your nasty power games outside and stop agitating the Dots!"
Wikipedia also lists one of the barriers to collaboration as hoarding knowledge. You mean like GoG being unwilling to share training, email, or much of anything else with peasants?

Faux News

Faux News Channel reports Duchy "couldn't be better".
Today Black Queen's spokesperson, GoG, in a rare appearance on the Faux News Channel Calamity and Homés show, said that the Black Queen's approval ratings were at an all time high. (Wait, that might actually be true. The new people haven't figured out who to blame yet.) GoG stated that the Black Queen has saved the Duchy several million dollars by eliminating Dotland last year. "But Dotland is still there" interjected Homés. "No, it's not" replied GoG, "It was eliminated that year. I announced it myself". "But..." Homés tried again. "I've been in the Sneak building and I've seen with my own eyes that Dotland no longer exists. " continued GoG. "How?!" said Homés. "By closing my eyes tightly, putting my fingers in my ears, and humming loudly, I was able to absolutely verify the non-existence of Dotland. If I had been able to hold my breath longer I wouldn't have smelled the potluck and birthday cake. Just adopt my philosophy of Hear No Dots, See No Dots, and Speak To No Dots and you'll be amazed at the things that vanish. " At that point, Homés threw down the mike and left the set muttering, "Yeah, like reality and common sense!" Calamity and GoG then spent a happy ten minutes debating the merits of humming loudly versus singing "la, la, la" and reminiscing about other things that could be made to non-exist like evolution, the budget deficit, and peasants.

Overheard in the Pentacle Office

"The white queen said we couldn't get rid of Dotland." mused the Black Queen.
"However, suppose Dotland were somehow destined to go away in the long
run. We could help them go away faster, couldn't we?" she continued.
"Oh, yes, boss! Yes, boss!" chortled GoG "Can I go tell them they are going away?"
"No!" exclaimed the Black Queen, "We can't let them find out yet! "
"Oh, please let me tell them. Please, please, please, puleeeeze" whined GoG.
"No!"repeated the Black Queen.
"Well, can I at least tell someone?"pleaded GoG.
"Oh, all right! You can tell the librarians that Dotland is going away. We've
stopped them from talking to each other anyway and all this ordering nonsense is keeping them too busy to talk to anyone else!"

What was the plan?

What was the plan when King Hairboy eliminated the Library Coordinator and the central library support budget 3 years ago?

Why did GoG tell everyone 2 years ago that Dotland was gone and all library support had to go through GoG?

Why were library meetings with anyone but GoG eliminated?

Why did the Black Dot Queen keep Dotland busy with "strategic planning" for a whole year and then drop the whole thing?

Why did the Duchy stop paying for Folly support at the same time they were trying to eliminate central library support? (It would seem that not supporting folly would be a GOOD thing, but if you are stuck with the folly anyway shouldn't you have some support and comfort to get you through it?)

Why was the book ordering electronic work transferred to the villages? (More about this later.)

Why was TiTs cut AFTER eliminating Folly support, most of Dotland, trying to eliminate Silver, and transferring the book ordering electronic work to the villages? Is the point to see that nothing in the library can function?

Why is the training offered to librarians only about classroom teaching and not about librarianship?

Why is there no training for peasants (beyond the Tropical Vacation Dotland snuck in at the beginning of the year)?

When does "I'm working on it" cease to be a plausible answer?

If the above actions are components of a coherent plan, where is that plan leading but to the conversion of teacher-librarians to classroom teachers only and to the elimination of school libraries in the Duchy.
(Yep, folks, I slept on it and I'm still not happy!)

Now about that question of transferring the book budgets to the village budgets. This was the process. Dotland had a salary budget of around $450,000 (the exact amount is in the 2005-2006 Budget Book online) and a supply budget of around $10,000 for supplies that would be bought centrally and sent to the villages. As soon as the new budget was approved each year Dotland was informed about the size of the library book budget. Dotland made sure that all outstanding financial obligations incurred last year by the village libraries would be paid and then divvied up the remainder among the villages and notified villages of how much they had to spend. The villages selected the library materials and sent the orders either to DotLand or directly to the vendor. Nearly all orders were handled electronically. Dotland was able handle the problems that we are now seeing in the villages. This is how it used to be.

Then the State decreed that the Duchy could only spend 35% of their budget on ADMINISTRATION, that is, Dot Castle salaries and expense and places like Busland and Dotland. So the Duchy decided that the book budgets had to be placed in the village budgets. OK, make the 2006-2007 Budget Book show the library book budget as part of the village budget. However, why do the orders have to be submitted, electronically, directly to already overworked departments in Dot Castle? Why can't the orders still be submitted, electronically, to Dotland, who could then use their accumulated expertise and experience to group them, get discounts, correct errors, receive shipments, catalog and process, etc. After all, the bank has most of our cash, we can't spend it without going through the bank with a check or an electronic transfer, but the IRS is never fooled into thinking that money is BELONGS to the bank. Why is the Duchy unwilling to admit that Dotland was only acting as a bank for the village libraries. Do you have an answer? I have an answer but I don't know if it's the right answer. The decision to force villages to handle their own orders can only be justified, financially or otherwise, if the intention is to completely eliminate Dotland. The White Queen has promised that Dotland will never... well hardly ever... well not this year at least...go away. What do you think?

State of the Duchy

It doesn't look good. There are still 16 villages without a peasant. The IDEA says she's having trouble finding peasants when they are paid so little and they'll have to provide their own begging bowl. We're told that the Duchy has done "strategic planning". If they planned this, why aren't they in jail? Surely planning this bad is against the law? Let's recap. They sent the book budgets to the villages to provide more site-based control to the village headmen. Without allowing any planning or training, the villages have been having some trouble dealing with this budget. It's the old comedy. The car is careening toward the cliff. The driver pulls the steering wheel off and hands it to the passenger, saying "Here, you steer." The least they could do is stop the car before they yank off the steering wheel! They cut Navy and Pink from Dotland saying that all of Dotland's services could be provided by the merchants, the Grand Union, and the venerable LOC. The merchants are saying "Who, us?" Some of the villages can't talk to the Grand Union. TiTS was also cut so they can't fix the Grand Union. They could ask Folly for help but that was cut too. And the LOC, well, if the LOC had records for all of OUR books and actually had appropriate Dewey numbers and didn't make mistakes and we could reliably download more than one record at a time, maybe. GoG, the head librarian of the massive Library of Misinformation, Disinformation, Fallacy, Error, and Downright Lies, chairwoman of the Web Nonsense committee and a leader of the Suppressing Useful Information Taskforce, has once again been erupting with misinformation and disinformation, mostly about Destiny. DYBITS!!!! We won't go into the rest of her errors. Do none of these strategic planners check ANYTHING?! Quite frankly, your faithful correspondent has seen this kind of behavior in the corporate world as well. It normally preceded the announcement that the corporate management had mysteriously vanished with the corporate assets. Have a good weekend, dear readers. I'm going to go sulk ...and possibly drink.

In Perfect

In Perfect every library would have all new books. In Perfect every book would be exactly the same size when you put it on the shelf. Of course, when you removed it from the shelf it would become exactly the right size for the reader. In Perfect the Library of Congress would have a record for every book in existence and that record would be, well, perfect. In Perfect the Library of Congress would not have 31 records with the author listed as (illustrator), or any records with the author listed as edited by or 8 records with the author listed as (author), . There wouldn't be any by Author, No. There wouldn't be 6 by (translator), and 30 by editor, . In Perfect you wouldn't have to download and import these perfect records. You could just wave the book at the computer and it would be automatically downloaded into your database. In Perfect, since Library of Congress records would be perfect, no record would ever have to be edited but if it did all Librarians and Peasants would be born knowing Marc cataloging. In Perfect books are shelved perfectly and inventories are instant and perfect. In Perfect, the Internet never goes down, the Union Catalog never goes down, the Intranet never goes down and there is never anything for Websense to block. But we don't live anywhere near perfect and Walgreens doesn't carry Marc records.

More about robes

The Design Committee for Silver's new robes met last night. The Committee consists of the new IDEA, GoG, the Lime Green Knight, and three librarians. No peasants. Methinks the actual users of Silver's services are somewhat underrepresented on this Committee, hmmm? Methinks if left up to GoG, Silver will be wearing (and living in) a cardboard box.

Robes: Design possibilities

Silver has been giving some thought to new robes. For example, there's the white number with the red sleeves from Christian Lacroix. Nice design, imposing enough, but maybe a little much for everyday work, maybe? From Vivienne Westwood, there'a a lovely grey. Right color, love the purple hair, a little too low cut to be dignified, hmmm? And then there's the little black and silver coat from Valentino. Silver will just take the coat, thank you very much, and forget the job!

Why is it so quiet in the Duchy?

It's very, very quiet in the Duchy these days. You might almost call it ominous. Of course, Dotland is quiet all the time without Pink and Navy, although Pink came back for visit today. However, even the villages and libraries seem very quiet. Several weeks ago the Black Queen called for meetings and focus groups and committees and possibly even covens but no one has seen any signs of even small committee meetings. And Silver has been wondering what happened to her promised new robes. Of course, they were to be designed by one of the committees. This disturbed some of Silver's friends. However, Silver reads Vogue. She knows that great costumes take collaboration, multiple brains, a gathering of specialized talents, the pattern maker, the seamstress, the bead embroidery specialists, the braid makers. However, there has been no sign of committees much less any braid making, sewing, weaving, dyeing or other design activity. Has the Black Queen managed to silence everyone by dangling committees in front of them? Is this the ominous silence of waiting for the Sword of Rightsizing and the Axe of Nickleby to fall? Or is it the grateful silence of villagers being let alone to do their jobs? But never mind all that. What happened to those robes?!

Battle Hymn of Black Dot Castle

Everybody was e-mail fighting
Those bytes were fast as lightning
It was really frightening
They fought with expert typing

She was a nasty Duchy Queen from nasty Duchy town
She was chopping them up and chopping them down
It's an ancient Duchy art and she certainly knew her part
From a slur into a slip and shooting from the hip

Everybody was e-mail fighting
Those bytes were fast as lightning
It was really frightening
They fought with expert typing

There was the Diva who's divine and a Queen with too much whine
They said here comes the White Queen, let's get it on now
They took a mouse and made a stand, started typing to beat the band
The typing made the network skip, now Outlook's on a brand new trip

Everybody was e-mail fighting
Those bytes were fast as lightning
It was really, really frightening
They fought with expert typing

Everybody was e-mail fighting
Those bytes were fast as lightning
Make sure you have expert typing
E-mail fighting, have to be fast as lightning

Turf Wars

The Black Queen has gotten territorial again and has been flinging pigeons like mad at The Diva over a small piece of real estate. The Black Queen thought she had the deal locked up but didn't bother with a title search. The Diva of StudioLand had a prior claim. When the Black Queen discovered this she attacked with full pigeon brigades, again without bothering to visit the site. In between warding off pigeons, the Diva called in the decorators, the painters, the florists, the artists, the musicians, the calligraphers and the party planners. The Queen said she needed the space for storing teachers. She must be thinking of really small teachers since it's a really small lot. By the time the Black Queen gets around to checking, The Diva will have erected a new museum on the site and will have a full tour schedule of educators and out of town luminaries waiting to see new space. The Black Queen is just too inattentive to keep up in the fast-paced Duchy real estate market.

We don't need no stinking information!

Everybody wants more information. The new IDEA wants information. The village, librarians and peasants have been asking the Dots for information. Nobody asks the Black Queen for information. That would be like attracting the attention of that big Eye in the top of Steven King's Dark Tower, the Eye that is ceaselessly sweeping the countryside looking for any trace of life, intelligence or learning in order to snuff it out. Besides, even if you aren't afraid of the Dark Tower, the Black Queen never answers. However, the new IDEA might yet be Dotland's champion. She was brave enough to ask the Black Queen for information. The Black Queen, after promising to deliver the information, scurried to her sidekick, GoG. "GoG, the new IDEA is asking for information." "Boss, we don't need no stinking information!" replied GoG. "We just make it up as we go along." "Well, can you make up some for the new IDEA and get her out of my office." "Oh, I don't think so, Boss. All of our made-up information is secret. She'll have to make up her own. " " Wait a minute" said the Black Queen, "If she makes up her own secret information, then she'll have secret information that we don't have and that's completely unacceptable. We'll go back to my office and tell her we're working on getting her information. Then we'll ignore her and she'll think we've left." The astute observer will notice that the Black Queen doesn't have a really good grasp of the reality thing, kind of like Emperor Shrub.

GLUE!!

In the recently concluded D1 Summit meetings, the White Queen and her aides announced to all and sundry that Dotland would again be sending supplies to the villages. The White Queen also announced there would be money for Dotland to buy the supplies to send to the villages. The Dots were cautiously optimistic. After all, the Black Dot Queen had made similar promises but the pigeons carrying the supply orders always mysteriously disappeared. After sending some trial pigeons successfully, the Dots decided that the White Queen was faithful to her word. The villages, upon hearing the news, immediately sent to Dotland asking what supplies were available. Purple dealt with one such query and sent back that book covers were available but the glue order still had not arrived. As Purple and her co-Dots were discussing the events of the day, a look of absolute horror crossed Purple's face. "I said Glue!!! I said we were out of GLUE!! Remember what happened when Turquoise said we were out of glue!! We barely survived that attack!!!" The other Dots rushed to comfort Purple. "Maybe the Black Queen won't notice. Remember she's Inattentive, Territorial but Inattentive. Maybe she'll miss this one." "I hope you're right." said Purple gloomily. "The librarians are sending pigeons to each other again. You know she hates that. It will keep her distracted until the glue comes in." said Sage. Somewhat comforted the Dots went home to a well-earned rest.

Cataloging magic

Silver spent the day casting spells at the Great Union Combined Catalog Institution. For those wondering, the GUCCI should contain the wisdoms of all the libraries in all the villages of the Duchy. Or it could be that it contains as much fallacy and superstition as actual wisdom. Of late, the GUCCI has become obstreperous, refusing to release information on demand, giving wrong answers instead of right answers, and generally being a pain. Dots suspect that the GUCCI might have been hanging around the Black Dot Queen and picked up some bad habits. Silver was attempting to knock out some of the more egregious fallacies with carefully placed spells. This involved a lot of grumbling and a great many consultations with Purple, Turquoise, and Sage over the finer points of Catalog Magic. Silver was overheard muttering "Would you look for your mother under that heading?!" and Sage was heard exclaiming in a loud voice "How are you going to find the RIGHT dog book without an author?!!" There was also a lot of discussion about whether Cataloging Magic could be taught or had be absorbed through the skin like moisturizer. And then there was the whole discussion of whether Cataloging Magic was too dangerous to be taught, like enriching uranium. Would this require international inspections and lead to sanctions? Would teaching the small cataloging spells inevitably lead to that horror of all Catalog Magicians, the Uncontrolled Subject Heading Cascade? If the Dots don't hand out the right spells, will that little hedge witch, GoG, hand out her spells (shudder)? And then there is the whole religion issue. Is the LOC the one god or not? That can be argued endlessly. The Dots are relieved to be able to discuss philosophy instead of being tangled in the Black Queen's palace intrigues.

Dotland is a hive of activity

With the new IDEA all the Dots are busy as bees. Unlike the Black Dot Queen, the new IDEA seems to believe that libraries are about information. She has put all of the Dots to work flitting from place to place, gathering information, sorting it into compact, easy to access packets and storing it in the Web for libraries to use. What a concept! We were never sure what the Black Dot Queen believed libraries were about. Based on her actions, she seemed to believe that libraries were about to be GONE.

Overheard in the Pentacle Office

Black Queen "Staff, there are flocks of pigeons out there carrying message about ME! People are talking about ME behind my back! How do I stop them?"
(Staff is a very mysterious person, never seen in public. The Black Queen always says "I have no Staff". It doesn't seem to occur to her that there might be a connection between her refusal to acknowledge Staff and the lost phone messages, missed appointments and irate villagers that plague her so.)
Staff "They would like to talk about you in front of your face but you won't see them."
Black Queen "Drat! How do I keep them from talking WITHOUT seeing them. Why, I can't even find out what they are saying."
Staff "If you don't know what they are saying how do you know they are talking about you?"
Black Queen "I have my sources. I know! I'll send a proclamation by pigeon telling them to stop talking about me!"
Staff "Don't you remember, Your Blackness? When you send pigeons to the villages they send pigeons back with replies."
Black Queen " I don't want replies. I don't want to hear them! I don't want to see them! I WANT THEM TO STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!!!"

(At that point, Staff closed the door and the rest of the conversation is lost... except for some muffled screams and thuds.)

Some new ideas?

The new IDEA in Dotland has been bustling around the building and the Duchy spreading out small new ideas right and left. New ideas like Flexible Scheduling, Collaboration, Cooperation, Information, and (horrors) Customer Service. Those of you who know the history of Libraries will notice that these are not exactly NEW ideas. However, Dotland has not seen those ideas in a couple of years. In fact, Dotland was beginning to despair of ever seeing those ideas again. Dotland has been welcoming these fledgling ideas with open arms and cries of joy! Dotland would like to throw a party to celebrate but Dotland has been redtagged for having too many parties. The Dots explained that the parties were going-away parties and that the laughter was not joyous but sad. However, as we all know, there is no defense against Red Tag. There was a cake cutting for Red Dot's birthday but it wasn't held in Dotland. The Dots think the cake and candles possibly escaped the notice of the Red Taggers. The Dots would also like to celebrate the return of Red Dot to the Sneak building and the lunch table but haven't yet figured out the spell for a completely invisible and silent party. But their best minds are working on it!

A tale of sense and nonsense

Yesterday one of the computer imps escaped from his Web. He briefly played here and there before settling down to cast a dense yellow fog over all places of learning in the Duchy. The alert librarians were the first to notice the problem. They sent calls and pigeons far and wide with the message "We are currently surrounded by a dense yellow fog. What kind of NonSense is this?" The sorcerers at TiTS received the call and responded "Oh, it's WebSense again!" for that, in fact, was the culprit's name. They immediately sprang into action. In no time at all they had cast the appropriate spells, captured the miscreant imp and tossed him back into his place in the Web. Another Brisk Breeze Spell and the last of the yellow fog was dissipated. After that they cleaned up their spell-casting debris, wiped up the chalk marks, tossed the yellow message slips and went back to their normal routine of Not dealing with problems, Not answering messages, and Not receiving visitors. The rest of the Duchy went back to work. And that would have been the end of it but for an errant breeze that came in through the window and scooped up one of the yellow message slips, slipping it across the floor, out the door and down the hall. The wayward message slip was almost out the front door when GoG wandered out of her lair right in front of the message slip. She looked up and saw, right in front of her very eyes, words hanging in the air against a yellow background. And the words said "We are currently surrounded by a dense yellow fog. What kind of NonSense is this?" "I see it! I see the fog" she exclaimed not noticing the edges of the message slip or much of anything else. Immediately she rushed back into her lair and went to work. Using some common household items, rubber bands, paper clips, eye of newt, her second best stone tablet and third best chisel, she worked busily to assemble a COMMITTEE. Looking at her COMMITTEE and finding it good she notified the librarians "I have assembled a COMMITTEE to work on the important Canary Cloud issue. We will be consulting an astrologer to determine the most auspicious time for our next meeting. We will then put together a focus group to discuss other Canary, Buttercup, and Lemon issues. We will let you know our results before the end of the century." The librarians received the message and said "Canary Cloud? Buttercup? What is she on about now?" and tossed the message away. Later, as they discussed the days events over tea, they realized that GoG's Canary Cloud was probably the mischievous imp, WebSense. One wondered "Why would GoG create a COMMITTEE to investigate that imp, WebSense. She knows nothing about imps." Her friend replied "Well, she has the Web part down all right, I've seen it, but she hasn't got the Sense."

New Arrival in Dotland!!

There was great excitement in Dotland today with the arrival of a new Interim Director Educated Archivist. The Dots hope that the new IDEA will be a friend to Dotland and all of LibraryLand. They are especially pleased to see a new IDEA since the Black Dot Queen's only idea is to get rid of Dotland. A space for the new IDEA was a major topic of conversation in the morning. Then in the afternoon, the Black Dot Queen and her entourage swept through with the Sneak building. After dismissing all of the spaces as below her exacting standards, she demanded a space currently occupied by StudioLand. Her demands were initially refused, however, she threw herself on the floor kicking and screaming and got her way. After all the fuss, the Dots are uncertain of whether the new IDEA will take up permanent residence or will be just another temporary Lackey of the Black Queen.
On a other note GoG the Clueless issued a breathless invitation for all the newcomers in LibraryLand to come to take Tea. Unfortunately, her address book hasn't been updated this century. The "newcomers" from GoG's address books were puzzled to received visits from GoG's Welcome Wagon. After hearing about the fabled hospitality of LibraryLand, the real newcomers were left feeling, well, left out.

She's baaaaack!

Yesterday's blog was cancelled due to lack of interest. Let's face it, without Navy, Pink and Red, Dotland can be depressing. But there's nothing like a meeting with the Black Dot Queen to get the adrenaline flowing. Between the lies, the whines, the justifications, and the high-speed backpedaling, the Black Queen infused the Dots with energy, well, actually, fury. In today's meeting, the White Queen was, as always, charming, attentive and credible. The Black Dot Queen was the opposite. Her Blackness was late which is not the same as the late Black Queen, so don't get your hopes up. When she arrived she was obviously still under the White Queen's Sit-Down-And-Shut-Up spell. She confined her remarks to short denials, justifications and whines. At the conclusion of the meeting the White Queen left. The Black Queen was kept after for tardiness. The Dots tried to talk to Her Blackness about THE FUTURE.
The Black Queen "I had a Road Map to the Future, a really good Road Map, but one of my secretaries left and took part of the map with her."
Dots "Can you show us what's left?"
BQ "My Map went through Density, but someone (no names, but she looked hard at Silver) threw a wrench at it and tore it."
Dots "Can you show us the torn Map?"
BQ "No, because it's not complete."
Dots "Well, can you tell us, sort of, in general, in manner or speaking, hypothetically, what was at the end of the road on your Map."
BQ "No".
Silver had been hoping for at least a general sort of statement like the closing to "Raising Arizona" where HI McDonnough (Nicholas Cage) describes his dream
And it seemed real. It seemed like us. And it seemed like, well... Our home... If not Arizona, then a land, not too far away, where all parents are strong and wise and capable, and all children are happy and beloved... I dunno, maybe it was Utah. (From Wikipedia) However, the Black Queen was to tricky to commit to anything like a positive vision of the future.
The Black Dot Queen has always claimed to be a "big picture" person. I think we are now finding out that her big picture is nicely matted and framed but unfortunately empty.
Although Indigo thinks the Black Queen's big picture is more like a Jackson Pollock, full of dribbles and black spatters.
The RightSizing of Dotland was discussed in the meeting. The White Queen might be able protect the Dots from the Sword of Rightsizing. Here are some words related to Rightsizing. Dumbsizing which is what the Black Queen did to Dotland. Dumbsizing is followed immediately by Capsizing which is what is happening to the Duchy. If the Black Queen won't even show us her road map why is the rest of the Duchy following it off the cliff? A final word of the day is Uninstalled. The software package, Black Dot Queen 1.0 is obviously incompatible with School Librarian 2006 and Dotland 2006. Black Dot Queen 1.0 needs to be Uninstalled and replaced with Library Coordinator 2006 which should be compatible with current versions of School Librarian and Dotland. (Note: Manual for School Librarian 2006 is not available online. You'll have to make do with School Librarian 2001)

Another quiet day in Dotland

The Black Dot Queen sent a veritable flurry of pigeons to Dotland today. Unlike her usual heavily armed and armored hostile pigeon bullies, today's pigeons were subdued and gray. Maybe she is still under the influence of a Be Nice spell cast by the White Queen. The Dots are eagerly awaiting their meeting with the White Queen later this week. They have learned that the Black Dot Queen will also be in attendance. It's probably better that way. One gets nervous when the Black Dot Queen is out of sight.

Someone pointed out today that even if the Black Dot Queen from this point on behaves as the team player and great communicator that she currently pretends to be, her mistakes of this time will still not be forgotten or forgiven for years. She could have taken up drug addiction or alcoholism and been forgiven faster.

The Duchy: A History

Once upon a time there was a small but prosperous duchy nestled in a beautiful forested valley surrounded by towering mountains. The Duchy was ruled by Good King Hairboy and Good King Hairboy was ruled by a wise and trusty Band of duly elected Advisors. (Enough! Time for some truth in advertising. Small? Well, smaller than nearby Table Duchy in the Dead Bird metropolis. Prosperous? In a pig's eye! Beautiful? Forested? Get a grip! And Good Kind Hairboy and his advisors? Don't even get me started! However, the mountains are nice and do sort of tower especially on days when the sky is blue and the air is clear.) At first the Duchy was well pleased with King Hairboy. King Hairboy said the life of the Duchy was being choked by thickets of deadwood. So the Band of Advisors fashioned an Axe of Early Retirement and King Hairboy wielded it mightily. Very shortly the Band of Advisors noticed that King Hairboy was really only interested in a bigger allowance, a new highrise castle, and more hair products. They seized the Early Retirement Axe and used it on Hairboy. Hairboy was replaced by Duke Phfffr. The Duke had already run into the Early Retirement Axe but was willing to bind his wounds and reenter the fray. The Band of Advisors had learned their lesson about axes so they gave Duke Phfffr the Sword of RightSizing. At first the Duke used the Sword wisely. There had been many complaints about the Department of PlanningLearningThinkingReadingWritingControlling
and GeneralInterferenceInOtherPeople'sAffairs. (Mostly that their name was too long, but some people did say they wanted to do their own reading and thinking.) Duke Phfffr used the Sword on the Department of ... (I'm not doin' the full name again!) including the Black Dot Queen's household staff. (In retrospect, that was probably a mistake.) The Black Dot Queen had an absolute snit fit and has been sulking ever since. The Black Dot Queen has been skulking around attempting to seize the Sword of RightSizing and use it on someone else. Last year she managed to sneak the Sword out of the Castle to use on Dotland. Fortunately, she shared her plan with her friend GoG, long an enemy of Dotland. GoG couldn't resist an opportunity to crow and sent to Dotland "Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, you'll be gone tomorrow." Forewarned Dotland had time to prepare for the battle. They sent to their friends, the Guild of Librarians, who descended on the Castle and the White Queen in a cloud of pigeons. Dotland met the Black Dot Queen on the Field of Sneak armed with Shields of Statistics and the Queen was turned back but not vanquished. This year the Black Queen again "borrowed" the Sword of RightSizing and managed to lop off Navy Dot and Pink Dot before the Guild of Librarians and Dotland's other friends could be alerted. Learning of the Black Dot Queen's perfidy, the Guild of Librarians rallied the villages and the peasants in support of Dotland. The White Queen heard their pleas and created the D1 Summit to bring peace to the Duchy. The Black Queen was forced to sheathe the Sword and defend herself with only words. However, even without the Sword of RightSizing, the Black Dot Queen has a formidable array of weapons, possibly even WMD. In addition she has the Forces of Darkness, controlled by GoG, at her disposal. With the D1 Summit Proclamation the Black Dot Queen has committed to Continuing Committees of Continual Conversation which we can hope will keep her too busy to use the Sword of Rightsizing again. Dotland can use the reprieve to build up their defenses and search for the rumored arsenal of WMD.

For more about the great history of the Librarians, check out Warrior Librarian Weekly and The Lipstick Librarian.
And there's more on this link http://web.simmons.edu/~schwartz/lis-humour.html
Great Moments in the History of Technical Services is a favorite in Dotland

A New Proclamation

Yesterday the Black Queen issued a proclamation to ALL LibraryLand, not just her Special friends. She urged members of the Library Guild, villagers and even peasants to meet, to discuss issues, to offer feedback. Veteran Duchy watchers consider this proclamation a major departure from her usual Divide and Conquer strategy. Has the Black Dot Queen been influenced by the White Queen?

















The White Queen using her influence on the Black Dot Queen.

Teachers as experts, what a concept!

From newschools.org

What creates all of the satisfied parent-customers? It's the teachers.
Recruit the best teachers you can possibly find. Treat them as
professionals, experts in their fields who don't have to be told what to do in a classroom.

If we had been treated like experts from the beginning of this fiasco, think about how different things would be. Is this why the Dots are agitated?

Charms and spells and glue and tape

There is a rumored that the Black Queen has been casting spells upon the attendees at the D1 Summit meetings. It is said that she has a Silence Spell that compels them all to silence. However, there are counterspells for the Silence Spell. Perhaps some attendees were wise enough to come prepared for the Black Queen's trickery. It has also been suggested that the White Queen has a even stronger Sit-Down-And-Shut-Up spell that works on the Black Queen. The Dots wish she would use it on GoG.
In the meantime, unrest continues in the Duchy. The villages without peasants are angry. The villages without glue are angry. The villages without POs are angry. Faced with shortages, the Dots try to come up with creative alternatives to glue and tape. Turquoise managed to acquire several reams of paper from a nearby hamlet. The decision to continue sending invoices to Dotland was widely celebrated because invoices are blank on the back and can be reused! Using power cords to tie packages was suggested but discarded in favor of saving string. There are rumored to be some goodly balls of string hidden about. The Dots have vowed to begin searching for these treasures.

The reign of King Hairboy the Infamous

There are those who say all of the woes in the Duchy go back to the reign of infamous King Hairboy and the nefarious actions that vanquished (or vanished) the well-loved Library Queen. Could it be that Hairboy looted the Duchy treasury to pay for hair products and styling?
The D1 Summit meeting with the Dots and White Queen has been rescheduled and expanded to include the Black Dot Queen. The Dots will be going over their agendas again to make sure that all of the important issues are covered. A big item on the agenda will probably be the Black Queen's not very well concealed desire to make them all disappear. An unreliable source reports that some librarians also feel that the Black Queen would like librarians to disappear also. Maybe the White Queen is hearing this in the other meetings as well.
To cheer you up even further, Pennsylvania has just opened a new high school with NO LIBRARY (Microsoft helped.) To read an opinion from someone who doesn't think Google makes a good librarian, click here.

All is well in the Duchy---NOT

The Dots heard from Black Dot Castle that the Black Queen's plans are working wonderfully. The villages and peasants are content and happy and all is well in the Duchy. The Dots wonder why the villages and peasants they talk to are not content and happy. Can it be there is a failure to communicate here?
Silver also heard that the Black Queen is assuring everyone that Silver's new robes and wizard's hat are almost ready. Silver is wondering, "If the new robes are for me, why haven't I been measured? Maybe it's to be a surprise. Do you suppose there will be cake?"

Perception is everything!
That's the favorite saying of the Black Dot Queen. I think I'm beginning to understand what she means by perception. I always thought of perception as meaning seeing, recognizing, maybe even understanding. I don't think that's quite what she means. In her terms it's not what we see or recognize. It's what we are willing to admit to seeing in public. We can all see that this Queen has no clothes. We can all see that the whole Duchy library infrastructure has been badly broken. A telling symptom is that most of the communication about issues is clandestine rather than open. As long as there is no little or no open discussion, the Black Queen can say "See, it was just a few complainers. Everyone is settling down now."
On another note, Gold suggested today that the level of chaos right now is not just a sign of mismanagement but of interference by the forces of Evil, KAOS! Is the Black Queen secretly an agent of KAOS? Where is Maxwell Smart when we need him?

Maybe Dots watched "Network" on cable this weekend?

The dilemma with Dibbles
Is your village afflicted with Dibbles? No, not tribbles, Dibbles. Tribbles are cute, furry, lovable, and very cheap. Dibbles are expensive, ugly, heavy, blunt instruments for destroying literacy. Want to see what some of the experts say about Dibbles? Check out the Vermont Society for Study of Education.
After looking at the site, I asked someone why on earth the Duchy is buying Dibbles. The response I received was "Nickleby". Duchies that buy Dibbles get more more from Nickleby's friend, Emporer Shrub, than Duchies that don't buy Dibbles. Is Dibbles a division of Halliburton?

Annals of bad management.
The Black Queen has won several awards for technology, however, nothing can compare with her outstanding performance as a Bad Manager with The Plan to eliminate Dotland hitting a new low-low-low. Let's just hit the high spots of that plan. The Plan was developed without consulting the stakeholders (only 2 principals were involved, no office managers, no Duchy Castle personnel, no REAL librarians, no library staff) There was NO impact study. We were told that The Plan would only be a pilot study involving only 19 villages. Instead before the pilots even started the Plan was !BAM! dropped on the whole Duchy. That's the big picture of The Plan. When you get to the details it gets even better. No communication, no attempt to ever present The Plan to the stakeholders so they could adapt to it, no information about the Plan developed and distributed. The Black DOT Queen has queenfully resisted any temptation to Do Things Right. At every possible juncture she has Made the Wrong Decision. It's practically supernatural. Any normal human would have done the right thing by accident once or twice. She is definitely the Queen of Bad Management.
An honorable mention award should also go to the local Post Office for deciding to eliminate the number system and go back to people standing in line. Some have suggested that the Post Office is working on their own version of The Plan to make customers vanish.

Dotland meeting canceled! White Queen not seriously injured!
This morning the White Queen was slightly injured in a fall and the long awaited meeting with Dotland was canceled. (Should we ask if the Black Queen has an alibi for this morning?) An uneasy quiet persists in the Duchy. Villages report that all is not well in the village treasuries. Accounting mistakes, missing paperwork, and unexpected shortages are reported. The villages cry out for information and the Black Queen remains silent. Yep, not just a river in Egypt.

Dispatches from Dotland
All the Dots have been preparing for their part of the D1 Summit tomorrow, trying to get their anger and frustration out of the way before meeting with the White Queen. Rumor is that some of the villagers are pretty frustrated as well. Could we send the Black Dot Queen to Swiss Finishing School so she can learn to answer her mail and and send thank you notes like a well brought up little Queen? And what can we do about her snaky friend? Suggestions are welcome. Maybe we should have a contest? Best Solution to the GoG problem - Winner gets a picture of an all expenses paid trip to the luxurious Dotland Retreat in Bora Bora.

True Crime Weekly

Librarians on Drugs?

Is drug use rampant in the Duchy? Sources inside Dotland have reported seeing Dots huddled in corners surreptiously exchanging HOMEOPATHIC drugs and giggling wildly . When pressured some Dots have admited to abusing Nat Mur and blame it on the stress of dealing with the Black Dot Queen. In the villages, both peasants and librarians have admited to increased use of NSAIDs, Happy Hour, and massages. What is the Duchy doing to curb this epidemic? The Black Dot Queen denies being aware of any problems. What drug is she using?

Dotland Daily Times

A reliable source brought us the first reports from the on-going D1 summit talks. The points covered in the talks so far have been:

• The Black Dot Queen will post a notice for a library crier to cry the benefits of school libraries to all and sundry
• The Black Dot Queen will post a notice for a full time library technology wizard to deal with the imps that live inside the technology. Inside sources claim that this position is intended for Silver. However, some of Silver's friends are not sure. "You know that Silver does not believe technology works before 10 am" said one. "Silver does not believe in anything before 10 am" her friend retorted.
• The Duchy will replace Folly with Destiny. (If you take up Folly, Destiny with surely follow.)
• Dotland is forever.
• Silver is back.

The D1 Summit will continue this week. Dotland is expected to be involved in the talks later this week.

Reviews

Ella Enchanted, 2004, is a Fractured Fairy Tale, the story of Ella whose gift from the flaky and vindictive Fairy Godmother Lucinda, played by Viveca A. Fox, was to do everything she is told. Anne Hathaway is the always obedient Ella and Hugh Dancy is Prince Char, a big hit at medieval mall openings. Fans of the book, Ella Enchanted by Gail Levine, aren't happy with the plot liberties taken by the movie, such as the addition of Sir Edgar's slimy sidekick, Heston, the snake. Until seeing this movie I had never realized quite how green and scaly GoG is. There are some good bits of dialogue...Sir Edgar proclaiming to Prince Char "Image is everything". Sound familiar? I think this movie qualifies as High Concept with the universal fairy tale theme and lots of references to fairy tale and movie conventions including the obligatory fight scene a la Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. The brief appearance of the three ogres in the final big dance scene had to be a direct reference, overalls and all, to the Soggy Bottom boys dancing to "I'm in the jailhouse now" in O Brother, where art thou. Ella Enchanted is not a great movie, but it is a cute movie worth seeing.

Dotland Sunday Times

"First weeks of school a HUGE success" reports Black Dot Queen Magog.

"Good news is coming in from all over the duchy. All of our students, our teachers, and our administrators are above average."

Dotland Daily

True Crime Weekly retracts!

True Crime Weekly reported earlier on mysterious disappearances in Dotland. This reporter has learned that True Crime Weekly now attributes that report to a single misguided reporter who has "left the duchy". Dotland Daily is happy to report the actual facts about the disappearances in Dotland. The first Dot to "disappear" was Navy. Reliable sources report that Navy has assumed the persona of First Dit and is now in Busland. Despite occasional trauma from buses backing up, Navy is well and corresponding regularly with old friends in Dotland. However, Dotland and Bits still miss Navy dreadfully. The next disappearance was Pink. She has since reported in from Cajero-by-the-Freeway and was rumored to have visited Dotland recently. Next was Red who went to work for the Welcome Wagon. Without Pink and Red, the White Light of Dotland is distinctly off-colour. The most mysterious disappearance was Silver, who disappeared and reappeared several times. You could say she "flickered." Actually, some Dots and the White Queen claim that Silver was always there despite contrary statements by the Black Queen. The status at press time is that all parties now report the Silver is still in Dotland and will continue to be in Dotland despite occasional forays to Studioville.

Future of Dotland in hands of Queens

Despite meetings with the Black Queen and the White Queen, there is still duchy-wide uneasiness about the future of Dotland. The White Queen is telling everyone that Dotland will never disappear. The Dots are concerned that the Queen is confusing the actual Dots of Dotland with a tastefully framed picture of the Dots that has appeared in several places recently. The Dots are afraid the picture will be kept and the actual Dots will be Ditted. It is hoped that the ongoing D1 Summit talks will clarify the situation.

The Black Queen always gets such a kick out of Purple!