Embarrassment

The Librarians and Peasants of the Duchy are all being asked to sign the board policy on e-mail and a miscellaneous sheet on listservs. The board policy states, among other things, that we won't embarrass the Duchy in e-mail. Actualy, they are being asked to sign a printout of board policy EJC. Board policy EJA says All **** employees who use technology must sign and abide by the district’s Acceptable Use Agreement(s) indicating their knowledge of and agreement to terms and conditions of use of district technology resources... A printout of a policy is not an Agreement. An Agreement is a form that says somewhere I agree to.... and has a place for a signature. One of the conditions of Policy EJC is that we must not embarrass the Duchy in e-mail. Well, it's embarrassing that the Duchy can't manage to create an Acceptable Use Agreement and has to resort to having us sign a printout of the policy. It's embarrassing that the budget cutting spreadsheet Duke Phffffr showed the Bored last Tuesday was amateurish, badly formatted, badly organized, AND the numbers were wrong, AND Duke Phfffr knew the numbers were wrong and had to keep apologizing. Then to further embarrass us, the Duchy has been spreading rumors that neighboring Duchies don't have Certified Librarians. One of the neighboring Duchies that is very proud that they have all Certified Librarians is now insulted. Their Duke is thinking of sending his seconds to call on our Duke and demand satisfaction. Our Duchy will be featured in an upcoming movie "Burr" about the famous Aaron Burr / Alexander Hamilton duel. Perhaps before then we will see Duke Phfffr in a real duel over slandering other Duchies!
Now that's embarrassing!

As the stomach turns

Dotland is developing ulcers attempting to digest the pronouncements coming out of the Castle. The Duchy's front portal is lauding the contribution made to schools by Office Professionals. Because of value of that contribution they are combining the office manager with the attendance clerk at 8 schools? There is a suspicious trend to the budget cuts. ALL of the proposed budget cuts seem to be oriented toward keeping everyone in a school isolated from each other and the outside world. No field trips, no site council budget, no travel, no subs for teacher collaboration, no elementary librarians, no central library support department whose job has been breaking down the isolation of a single school, no central library. And to crown it all, the district is attempting to set us at each others throats over the teacher raises. Divide and Conquer - long a favorite tactic of tyrants!
A rather disturbing idea came up recently. Someone speculated that some elementaries would choose to allocate their budget to continue to have a librarian. They were told that the school might not be given that choice. So is the Duchy management just attempting to completely squelch any real site-based management and make sure the Castle can continue to run everything unopposed?

Duchy Dogma

In these very troubled times, we must examine the basics of Duchy faith. For example, the Doctrine of Non-Transubstantiation asserts that Capital Funds can be spent lavishly on anything but can NEVER undergo transubstantiation to Maintenance and Operations (M&O) Funds. The Black Queen is adamant on Non-Transubstantiation. She asserts that Transubstantiation can never occur. Other school funding theologians assert that Transubstantiation can and does occur. The Higher Authority (The School Facilities Board) also says that Transubstatiation of Capital Funds to M&O funds cannot occur but...the Duchy gets to decide whether to put the money in M&O or in Capital in the first place. After that it can't undergo transubstantiation. (Doesn't this mean that Duke Phfffr can decide to use money that could go to teachers raises to buy nifty ed tech software toys and a new library system, as long as he makes that decision in advance when the budget is being made up? Is it possible that the Duchy decided last budget year to screw the libraries over, eliminate Dotland, and blame the teachers? Let's see. Did they already try to close down Dotland last year? Well, yes. Hmmmmmm.)
The Black Queen is also a strong advocate of the Doctrine of the Immaculate Instruction which governs how training is supposed to take place in the Duchy. A cadre of librarians (Wait, they are eliminating librarians.) OK, a cadre of "Classified Librarians" (otherwise known as Grade 4 Library Assistants or Peasants) will be assembled. After much prayer and contemplation, the Doctrine of Immaculate Instruction asserts that the Cadre will "receive" Divine Instruction and will then be qualified to initiate others into the Mysteries of the Infinite Time of Destiny. The Higher Authority (Destiny Tech Support) asserts that they won't answer calls for help from libraries that received their training via Immaculate Instruction. Hmmmm.
Do we need a reformer to nail an edict to the Castle door?

Comments:
Or perhaps the Duchy could go to a more eastern philosophy -- zen instruction. The peasants -er- Classified Librarians would assume the lotus position, fingers forming the traditional infinite circles, and chant, all the while attempting to become one with Destiny. Ooooommmmmmm. Ooooommmmm. Hmmmmm.
Purple

Time Traveling

There was some very interesting information revealed this afternoon. Apparently it wasn't the teacher raises that broke the budget, it was the Duke's imprudent spending on new robes for his friends. Let us know close our eyes and imagine ourselves back in the Castle where the Black Queen, the Duke and other a**heads are relaxing and eating grapes while the slaves fan them. The Black Queen paces. "I am so fed up with those Dots! They check everything I say. They keep the village libraries functioning now matter how many obstacles I put in their way. Furthermore they teach others to search for truth. Mark my words, no good will come of THAT! Every time I try to get rid of them, they prove that they save money. Will no one rid me of these inconvenient peasants?" "Hmmmm", muses the Duke, " We are intelligent people. We should be able to come up with something." A minor functionary comes into the room. "Your Majesty, it's almost time to begin the Teacher Contract Negotiations." "I'll be along shortly" responds the Duke and then looks very thoughtful. "Give me a few minutes first." He and the Black Queen put their heads together and whisper intently in the corner. As they break up, the Duke says "Remember, we've got to make this look good. Make a list of everyone you can think of who will need new robes between now and say ...August."
Fast forward a few months. A couple of weary negotiators sit in the TEA shoppe, over cups of TEA, of course. "I can't understand it. We've been very reasonable and the Duke won't even return our calls." "I know", says the other, "I don't remember the Duchy ever being this stubborn about negotiations. I just don't know what to do." Back in the Castle, the Duke receives a phone call from a Bored member. "How are the negotiations coming?" "No progress at all" responds the Duke cheerily. "But there is only a $450,000 difference between the offers. I know we can afford that. Can't we settle this?" "No, no" responds the Duke, "completely out of the question. We just need to wait a little longer. Something will break loose." Now fast forward to the day of the Blue Flu. The phone rings constantly in the Castle with complaints from irate parents. The Duke and the Black Queen bustle around busily and trade smirks when no one is watching. The Duke summons the Bored and his advisers.
"This is terrible." he says "We have to capitulate to their demands. The people have spoken. This will bankrupt the Duchy but we have no choice." "It's only $450,000" responds a Bored member, "It won't bankrupt us." "Oh, it will, it will" says the Duke, attempting to keep a straight face. "We'll just have to make really deep cuts to make up for it. I'll get the Sword of Right-Sizing sharpened immediately." "You did that months ago, Your Majesty", pipes up a staffer. "You're mistaken!" barks the Duke, "Leave immediately. In fact, you'd all better leave. I need a moment to compose myself for revealing this to the press." As the door closes behind the Bored, the Black Queen and the Duke began to dance, singing "Ding dong, Dotland is dead!"

As the Duchy Turns

Terror once again stalks the Duchy halls. The Black Queen squats, brooding, in the corner of the Bored room. The people speak. The Reverend Dr. Lord Joel rolls his eyes and tries to pretend he is somewhere else. Miz Judy the Schoolmarm and the young Senor listen and nod. La Chica might be listening...who can tell? The Bruce rests his chin in his hands and daydreams. When a village chief speaks in support of Dotland and the Duchy libraries, Duke Pfffr looks astonished, possibly thinking, "I've never heard this! Why wasn't I told that libraries are important?" The Black Queen closes her eyes and leans against the wall. She's heard it all before and prefer not to hear it again. When Duke Pfffr says Dotland must be eliminated, La Chica objects. (She WAS listening!) Duke Pfffr repeats strangely familiar words "We can't keep doing things they way we always have." Wait, this is what the Black Queen said to the Dots two years ago. How is this possible? I look to the Black Queen. She's good, her lips aren't even moving! No wonder Duke Pfffr looks astonished with the Black Queen's hand far enough up his butt to make it look like he's doing the talking. Maybe she has a remote control box. The Black Queen then speaks in support of Dotland. "Everything is automated now. The jobs done by the Dots no longer need to be done. The librarians and peasants can train each other, collaboratively, in cadres, using the train the trainer model, as they transition to the new glorious future in which I run the WORLD. Oops, wrong speech. The Dots can all be reassigned or discarded or whatever. I really don't care. We will, of course, follow the HR process." That's SUPPORT? Could we petition Duke Pfffr to have Her Blackness not support us?
Later the Black Queen assures the White Tornado that it would be a mistake to arouse the Librarians, Peasants, Parents, and Press to public support of libraries and Dotland. As the Black Queen says "No one supports libraries more than I do! At least not if I can stop them."