Bright Ideas

As the first step in this semester's "Bright Ideas" campaign, the Castle sent out a bright orangey-yellow piece of paper to everyone containing the form for submitting a "Bright Idea". How many did they get back with this bright idea?

Stop sending out paper forms!

Today is the first of the two public forums for the Management Audit. Palo Verde High School, 5-6 (staff) and 6-7 (public)

We're baaaack!

Due to a series of unfortunate events, Agitated Dots has been offline for over a month. Oh, the horror! But now we're back and reporting for duty. To bring things up to date...
The Duchy reported to the School Bored that the Duchy is 9.5 million in the hole due to the teachers additional 1% raise. The Bored wanted to know how that could be when the final settlement with the teachers had been only 450,000 over the "balanced budget" figure. They wanted to know whether the Duke had lied about the balanced budget earlier or was lying about the 9.5 mil now. The Duke replied that while it had been a balanced budget, it wasn't a "healthy" balanced budget. Since that time, the 9.5 mil has morphed to 13 mil.
Duke Phfffr has apparently pulled out the Sword of Right-sizing again and proposed closing interscholastics, Camp Cooper, the Clothing Bank, Educational Materials Center, Dotland and elementary libraries. Oh, and he also gave up one part time dungeon attendant at the Castle and now they all have to take out their own little trash baskets. Imagine that, the castle inhabitants carrying trash in their own lily white little hands, rather than just constantly spewing it out over the e-mail. Oh, did I say that out loud?
At the Bored meeting, everyone immediately jumped on interscholastics, so it won't be closed. Everything else is up for grabs still. There was an outcry from parents and principals about cutting support for libraries. The Black Queen immediately got all huffy and reminded everyone that there are no plans to close elementary libraries....until next year. In the first cut from the Sword of Right-sizing, Purple has been reassigned to TS. Who will be next?

Anonymous said...
Ohh! It is so good to see you back. Of course these cuts are not till next year, but a hiring freeze seems to be on this year. It seems expected that the peasants can run the village library in a superhuman way. Perhaps half a duke could do?

I love the idea of a half-Duke. Is that a Bright Idea or what?!

Embarrassment

The Librarians and Peasants of the Duchy are all being asked to sign the board policy on e-mail and a miscellaneous sheet on listservs. The board policy states, among other things, that we won't embarrass the Duchy in e-mail. Actualy, they are being asked to sign a printout of board policy EJC. Board policy EJA says All **** employees who use technology must sign and abide by the district’s Acceptable Use Agreement(s) indicating their knowledge of and agreement to terms and conditions of use of district technology resources... A printout of a policy is not an Agreement. An Agreement is a form that says somewhere I agree to.... and has a place for a signature. One of the conditions of Policy EJC is that we must not embarrass the Duchy in e-mail. Well, it's embarrassing that the Duchy can't manage to create an Acceptable Use Agreement and has to resort to having us sign a printout of the policy. It's embarrassing that the budget cutting spreadsheet Duke Phffffr showed the Bored last Tuesday was amateurish, badly formatted, badly organized, AND the numbers were wrong, AND Duke Phfffr knew the numbers were wrong and had to keep apologizing. Then to further embarrass us, the Duchy has been spreading rumors that neighboring Duchies don't have Certified Librarians. One of the neighboring Duchies that is very proud that they have all Certified Librarians is now insulted. Their Duke is thinking of sending his seconds to call on our Duke and demand satisfaction. Our Duchy will be featured in an upcoming movie "Burr" about the famous Aaron Burr / Alexander Hamilton duel. Perhaps before then we will see Duke Phfffr in a real duel over slandering other Duchies!
Now that's embarrassing!

As the stomach turns

Dotland is developing ulcers attempting to digest the pronouncements coming out of the Castle. The Duchy's front portal is lauding the contribution made to schools by Office Professionals. Because of value of that contribution they are combining the office manager with the attendance clerk at 8 schools? There is a suspicious trend to the budget cuts. ALL of the proposed budget cuts seem to be oriented toward keeping everyone in a school isolated from each other and the outside world. No field trips, no site council budget, no travel, no subs for teacher collaboration, no elementary librarians, no central library support department whose job has been breaking down the isolation of a single school, no central library. And to crown it all, the district is attempting to set us at each others throats over the teacher raises. Divide and Conquer - long a favorite tactic of tyrants!
A rather disturbing idea came up recently. Someone speculated that some elementaries would choose to allocate their budget to continue to have a librarian. They were told that the school might not be given that choice. So is the Duchy management just attempting to completely squelch any real site-based management and make sure the Castle can continue to run everything unopposed?

Duchy Dogma

In these very troubled times, we must examine the basics of Duchy faith. For example, the Doctrine of Non-Transubstantiation asserts that Capital Funds can be spent lavishly on anything but can NEVER undergo transubstantiation to Maintenance and Operations (M&O) Funds. The Black Queen is adamant on Non-Transubstantiation. She asserts that Transubstantiation can never occur. Other school funding theologians assert that Transubstantiation can and does occur. The Higher Authority (The School Facilities Board) also says that Transubstatiation of Capital Funds to M&O funds cannot occur but...the Duchy gets to decide whether to put the money in M&O or in Capital in the first place. After that it can't undergo transubstantiation. (Doesn't this mean that Duke Phfffr can decide to use money that could go to teachers raises to buy nifty ed tech software toys and a new library system, as long as he makes that decision in advance when the budget is being made up? Is it possible that the Duchy decided last budget year to screw the libraries over, eliminate Dotland, and blame the teachers? Let's see. Did they already try to close down Dotland last year? Well, yes. Hmmmmmm.)
The Black Queen is also a strong advocate of the Doctrine of the Immaculate Instruction which governs how training is supposed to take place in the Duchy. A cadre of librarians (Wait, they are eliminating librarians.) OK, a cadre of "Classified Librarians" (otherwise known as Grade 4 Library Assistants or Peasants) will be assembled. After much prayer and contemplation, the Doctrine of Immaculate Instruction asserts that the Cadre will "receive" Divine Instruction and will then be qualified to initiate others into the Mysteries of the Infinite Time of Destiny. The Higher Authority (Destiny Tech Support) asserts that they won't answer calls for help from libraries that received their training via Immaculate Instruction. Hmmmm.
Do we need a reformer to nail an edict to the Castle door?

Comments:
Or perhaps the Duchy could go to a more eastern philosophy -- zen instruction. The peasants -er- Classified Librarians would assume the lotus position, fingers forming the traditional infinite circles, and chant, all the while attempting to become one with Destiny. Ooooommmmmmm. Ooooommmmm. Hmmmmm.
Purple

Time Traveling

There was some very interesting information revealed this afternoon. Apparently it wasn't the teacher raises that broke the budget, it was the Duke's imprudent spending on new robes for his friends. Let us know close our eyes and imagine ourselves back in the Castle where the Black Queen, the Duke and other a**heads are relaxing and eating grapes while the slaves fan them. The Black Queen paces. "I am so fed up with those Dots! They check everything I say. They keep the village libraries functioning now matter how many obstacles I put in their way. Furthermore they teach others to search for truth. Mark my words, no good will come of THAT! Every time I try to get rid of them, they prove that they save money. Will no one rid me of these inconvenient peasants?" "Hmmmm", muses the Duke, " We are intelligent people. We should be able to come up with something." A minor functionary comes into the room. "Your Majesty, it's almost time to begin the Teacher Contract Negotiations." "I'll be along shortly" responds the Duke and then looks very thoughtful. "Give me a few minutes first." He and the Black Queen put their heads together and whisper intently in the corner. As they break up, the Duke says "Remember, we've got to make this look good. Make a list of everyone you can think of who will need new robes between now and say ...August."
Fast forward a few months. A couple of weary negotiators sit in the TEA shoppe, over cups of TEA, of course. "I can't understand it. We've been very reasonable and the Duke won't even return our calls." "I know", says the other, "I don't remember the Duchy ever being this stubborn about negotiations. I just don't know what to do." Back in the Castle, the Duke receives a phone call from a Bored member. "How are the negotiations coming?" "No progress at all" responds the Duke cheerily. "But there is only a $450,000 difference between the offers. I know we can afford that. Can't we settle this?" "No, no" responds the Duke, "completely out of the question. We just need to wait a little longer. Something will break loose." Now fast forward to the day of the Blue Flu. The phone rings constantly in the Castle with complaints from irate parents. The Duke and the Black Queen bustle around busily and trade smirks when no one is watching. The Duke summons the Bored and his advisers.
"This is terrible." he says "We have to capitulate to their demands. The people have spoken. This will bankrupt the Duchy but we have no choice." "It's only $450,000" responds a Bored member, "It won't bankrupt us." "Oh, it will, it will" says the Duke, attempting to keep a straight face. "We'll just have to make really deep cuts to make up for it. I'll get the Sword of Right-Sizing sharpened immediately." "You did that months ago, Your Majesty", pipes up a staffer. "You're mistaken!" barks the Duke, "Leave immediately. In fact, you'd all better leave. I need a moment to compose myself for revealing this to the press." As the door closes behind the Bored, the Black Queen and the Duke began to dance, singing "Ding dong, Dotland is dead!"

As the Duchy Turns

Terror once again stalks the Duchy halls. The Black Queen squats, brooding, in the corner of the Bored room. The people speak. The Reverend Dr. Lord Joel rolls his eyes and tries to pretend he is somewhere else. Miz Judy the Schoolmarm and the young Senor listen and nod. La Chica might be listening...who can tell? The Bruce rests his chin in his hands and daydreams. When a village chief speaks in support of Dotland and the Duchy libraries, Duke Pfffr looks astonished, possibly thinking, "I've never heard this! Why wasn't I told that libraries are important?" The Black Queen closes her eyes and leans against the wall. She's heard it all before and prefer not to hear it again. When Duke Pfffr says Dotland must be eliminated, La Chica objects. (She WAS listening!) Duke Pfffr repeats strangely familiar words "We can't keep doing things they way we always have." Wait, this is what the Black Queen said to the Dots two years ago. How is this possible? I look to the Black Queen. She's good, her lips aren't even moving! No wonder Duke Pfffr looks astonished with the Black Queen's hand far enough up his butt to make it look like he's doing the talking. Maybe she has a remote control box. The Black Queen then speaks in support of Dotland. "Everything is automated now. The jobs done by the Dots no longer need to be done. The librarians and peasants can train each other, collaboratively, in cadres, using the train the trainer model, as they transition to the new glorious future in which I run the WORLD. Oops, wrong speech. The Dots can all be reassigned or discarded or whatever. I really don't care. We will, of course, follow the HR process." That's SUPPORT? Could we petition Duke Pfffr to have Her Blackness not support us?
Later the Black Queen assures the White Tornado that it would be a mistake to arouse the Librarians, Peasants, Parents, and Press to public support of libraries and Dotland. As the Black Queen says "No one supports libraries more than I do! At least not if I can stop them."

Silver's Rant, Redux

Silver was in a better mood today. As she said, "Some problems are getting solved. Some things are working." That was before she stumbled over a pigeon that had been circling around Black Dot Castle for a while. The pigeon was carrying a message about the troubleshooting procedures Peasants and librarians are supposed to follow when the {beep} program is tooooo sloooooooow. First they are supposed to try it on one workstation. Then they are supposed to try it on another workstation. If the second workstation is faster they CAN turn in a work order to the fabled Help Desk. However, if the second workstation is NOT faster, they are SOL because "that means it's a bandwidth problem and we aren't going to fix it so there's no point in turning in a work order". Let's see, they've just spent 20 minutes on one workstation waiting for a title to not open. Then they've spent another 20 minutes waiting for the same title to not open on another workstation. After an investment of 40 minutes, they are supposed to ... what exactly? Silver's thoughts on the subject have to do mostly with very large hammers. The Lime Green Knight PROMISED us two things - that we would have Outside Access to {beep} and that our bandwidth and network infrastructure were enough to successfully run {beep}. Looks like we lose on both counts. Of course, the Lime Green Knight also told us to turn in work orders on "speed issues". Why is no one every held accountable?!!!!! When Silver attempted to speak on these issues in an open forum, she was held accountable. Actually, she was held down and bludgeoned with TUSD Policies. Almost the same thing. If the Lime Green Knight is held accountable in the same way, can anyone join in? Silver's willing to bring her own paper.

Silver's Rant

I came across Silver muttering furiously to herself. "What's happening?" I asked.
"What's happening!" she growled, "What's happening! Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Peasants and Librarians are sending pigeons about the speed of {beep}! Can I answer them? NO, I CAN"T...because answering them might be embarrassing to the Duchy. Can I ask TS why {beep} is so {beeping} slow? No, that could be embarrassing to the Duchy. Can I ask TS or anyone what is being done about this? No, that could be embarrassing to the Duchy. Can I ask Follett Tech Support why {beep} is so {beeping} slow? No, I can't. That would apparently be admitting we have a problem and THAT would embarrassing to the Duchy. Can I ask the Peasants and Librarians what workarounds they've found for the problems? Nope, embarrassing again. You do know that Bored Policy EJC states "Unacceptable use of e-mail includes, but is not limited to:... Using e-mail in a manner, which may bring discredit or embarrassment to the District."? I can't even ask what is being done about the problem. Again..embarrassing to the district. When I ask those limited number of people that I can ask what is being done, I'm told "It's political." No, it's bloody well NOT political, it's technological. And it's not that our hardware is or workstations are too old. There are solutions to this problem and if the Duchy allowed us to actually talk to each other, Follett Tech Support and our peers in and out of the Duchy, we could find and implement them! Arrrgggghhhhhh!"

Serial slasher strikes again in Dotland!

Terror again stalks the halls of Dotland. The Sword of Right-Sizing has claimed another victim. Cornflower has become a DIT. Further, the White Queen promises "deeper cuts!" Is no one safe?
Meanwhile the {beep} Library Manager does not get any faster. Silver is told not to complain about it because "it's political". Really? We're to believe that there are people in the Duchy who want {beep} to go even slower? Have you looked at the new org chart? The Lime Green Knight is in charge of the {beep} "speed issues." The Lime Green Knight and Dotland report to the Black Queen. The Black Queen reports to the White Queen. The White Queen reports to the Duke. The other interested party in the {beep} "speed issue" is the department formerly known as TS. They now report to ...TBA! And wait, they aren't a real department anymore, they're a dotted line labeled "liason". It looks like TS is now SOL. So now we're to believe that the Black Queen doesn't have the political clout to get a leaderless non-department to spend some time fixing the {beep} speed issue. Wow.
While we're on the subject of the org chart, it clearly needs some sprucing up. There aren't nearly enough meaningless colors. Obviously, there's a need for some glitter, some flowers, some stars, more embellishments in general. Silver and Purple are thinking of a "Decorate the Org Chart" contest. They have to do something to pass the time while waiting for {beep} to put up the three screens of gibberish that mean "That search is not happenin'".

Silver fading....

Silver is becoming an official ghost. The Black Queen is still attempting to keep others from talking to her. Fortunately, the Dots and some other Duchy employees aren't afraid of ghosts. Of course, anyone in their right mind is afraid of the Black Queen. When asked about the ghost situation, Silver mused "I wonder if this is how the Laird of TS felt before he "resigned"? I'm sure Her Blackness would be thrilled if I could be driven to "resign"." Silver also pointed out that we are now on Step 5 of the Black Queen's Foolproof Plan for Eliminating Libraries in 5 easy steps (described in these pages on April 3, 2007) . The Black Queen is also once again insisting on only positive communications. There is a upcoming meeting with the {beep} software people to discuss the {beep} software. Silver isn't invited, but the issues she would like to see discussed are:

• Speed (Unfortunately, there's no good, punchy single word that conveys the exact opposite of speed.)
• All students still not getting imported
• No access to {beep} from outside the Duchy
• No access to Library of Congress from inside {beep}

However, all of those topics were considered and rejected as "too negative". So apparently they will discuss the lovely shade of teal in the Destiny screens. They might also be able to talk about the background color without wandering into forbidden territory.

In another disturbing development, one of the Duchy Librarians complained that Dotland received "new" computers this summer. For the first time in over two years, the Dots have hardware that can run the same Windows version as the Duchy libraries have had for the last two years. This makes it much easier to troubleshoot the problems the libraries have with wonderful windows and {beep}. The complaint is disturbing because "Divide and conquer" has long been a favorite Duchy strategy, always used with great success in the past by the Black Queen herself.

Stranger and Stranger

The saga of the {beep} Library Management Program grows stranger and stranger. We were told that imports of student data from the Very Hot Desert Student Records system would take place automatically. Purple, Silver and Sage have been poring over this question for days. The imports appear to have been not so much automatic as automagic. Homerooms appear out of thin air, without being imported! 412 student records were changed on the Sunday of a 3 day weekend! Forcing someone to work on Labor Day weekend has to be magic. Being sometimes acclaimed as wizards themselves, Purple, Silver, and Sage know most magic is just a matter of science, technology, knowledge and experience. {beep} Technical Support is no help either. They just keep saying "Just don't you worry your pretty little head about about student records. And pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." The Dots are developing a deep desire to yank back the curtain!

Dotland Underground

(To avoid possible legal problems, the name of a certain library automation program has been redacted in this post.)
Silver says the Lime Green Knight reminds of her of Lucille Ball in the chocolate-covered cherry factory, madly stuffing chocolate-covered cherries down her bra, to avoid being detected as not quite ept. He's been frantically stuffing bad news about {beep} in every possible orifice. Now he's been taken off the {beep} assembly line. According to the White Tornado, Lime Green is no longer the Lime Green Project Manager. He's back to the Lime Green Knight. Unfortunately, he left a legacy. The remaining Dots are afraid to post to the listservs (can you say that favorite freedom of the press phrase..."chilling effect"?) Silver has been pretty much forbidden although she has taken the risk of replying to a few posts on the listservs.
The real irony of all this is that {beep} really isn't that bad. There are many things {beep} does really well and only a few pitfalls. Since the Dots are so reluctant to use the listserv, Silver has asked me to pass along some information to the Peasants and Librarians out there.
The two biggest problems with {beep} are the speed (or lack thereof) and the Mojave download. Let's take download first. Currently all students are not being imported every night because {beep} decides, using a very cracked crystal ball, which students need to be imported. In addition, student records don't always match up like they should. Both of these problems require minor changes in the way {beep} is set up. The Dots hope that the {beep} gods will see fit to make those changes soon. In the meantime, how do we cope with this?
1. Delete students very carefully. You might not get them re-imported for weeks.
2. We have duplicate records and cases where the transactions did not follow the student. When a student leaves owing you books, search for him/her in Checkout or Patron Status without the check for Only my patrons. If there are duplicates and your transactions didn't follow the student, print a notice and send it to the librarian at the student's new school, just like we did in the past. This is a problem that will fix itself eventually, hopefully by the end of this year.
3. When you search for students by name in Circulation, you can avoid getting a really long list by changing the Only look in box from All to Last name.

Our second major problem is with the speed of {beep} at some sites. Many sites (Silver thinks, but wasn't allowed to complete her survey) don't find {beep} slow. However, a few sites find it so slow as to be completely non-functional. This is probably a problem with Duchy networks, not {beep} itself, which means it's going to be difficult to solve and might require the application of political pressure to encourage the Duchy to fix it. You definitely need to put in a workorder with TiS but it's probably also a good idea to let the White Tornado know about it. After all the White Tornado moves so fast she can't even see things as slow as {beep} can be at some sites.

There. Silver says she feels so much better having gotten this off her chest.

Seduced and abandoned

Poor Lime Green Knight! In the beginning he was so happy. He was always eager to talk about Destiny. He tried to be casual about it but you could tell he was looking forward to the next visit from Destiny. Until the contract was signed Destiny was such an ardent suitor, always around with flowers, candy, willing to leap tall buildings and climb high mountains for the Lime Green Knight. Then the contract was signed and Destiny installed. After that, the ardor cooled slightly. Destiny was suddenly too busy with other obligations to do any leaping of even short buildings. Phone calls weren't returned. Questions weren't answered. Lime Green was puzzled and hurt but still hopeful. Then Silver asked those embarrassing questions and the previously ardent suitor yelled, yes, yelled, at Lime Green. Ah, a scapegoat! Silver must be the reason that Destiny has cooled toward Lime Green. Without Silver's interference, Lime Green and Destiny could have ridden hand in hand into the sunset and lived happily ever after. Lime Green, having grown up male instead of female, apparently wasn't raised on "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Otherwise, he would have known that if you want handholding in the sunset, you better get it before the money changes hands. Will he be smarter next time?

Do you suffer from CD?

Silver was reflecting on her fall from grace. (An unbiased observer would have to point out that it wasn't a long fall.)

I should have realized." she said, "Us Dots, peasants, and Librarians are, in general, a female community. We're used to being poked, prodded pressed, and stared at in the annual Pap Smear and Mammogram ritual, not to mention marriage and childbirth. Most of us had to give up embarrassment long ago. I forgot how overwhelmingly male the Duchy is. Of course, the Duchy doesn't want its, ah, shortcomings discussed in public. I did notice that in the preliminary examinations by the Destiny Doctors from Follay, when the question of district, uh, infrastructure came up, the Duchy shuffled it's feet, looked shifty-eyed and said "No, no, we don't have any problems with our..., with having..., with that." The Destiny Doctors were pretty explicit and said "You've never experienced any episodes of Connectile Disfunction?" "No, never!" responded the Duchy, "Well, only once, and we had been poisoned with some bad electrons at the time."

Television tells us hourly or even quarter-hourly that there is no longer any need to suffer from CD. If the Duchy would only get over itself and get some help, then we could all be like one of those happy couples on TV, holding hands, gazing into a sunset... from a bathtub on a dock?!

A story, a story

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, an unemployed young electronic messenger named Bot was looking desparately for work. While pounding the pavements he spotted a nondescript card stuck on a nondescript door on a nondescript building. "Messenger wanted. Only one delivery per day. Uniform and bicycle supplied. Apply within. Ajax Employment" Entering, Bot found a nondescript beige man behind a nondescript desk. Hearing Bot enter, the man looked up and said "Excellent! Can you start immediately? We can fit you for your uniform now." Bot agreed and the Beige ushered Bot into a back room where minions fitted him with shiny blue bicycling shorts with a silver stripe and a shiny blue and silver jersey. "Now you can sign your contract and we can go over your duties. Every night at midnight you will go to the Mojave building. Ring the bell beside the door and a drawer will slide out of the wall. In it will be a package and your day's pay. Take the package and ride as fast as you can to Destiny Castle. When you reach Destiny Castle, ring the bell. A voice from a concealed speaker will ask you for a password. The password is Habaneer. Repeat that for me." Dutifully Bot said "Habaneer". "Excellent. After you give the password a mail slot on the door will open. Drop the package inside and leave. Do not under any circumstances ever say anything but Habaneer. Do not tell anyone else of this. Are you ready?" Bot said "I think so?" Beige replied "Excellent! We will have one trial run immediately. Take the bicycle outside and go through the whole sequence and report back here immediately." Bot left on the shiny new blue and chrome bicycle outside the door and peddled away on his errand. It all went just as the man said, until Bot arrived at Destiny Castle. When Bot said "Habaneer", there was a horrible grating noise and the entire front door shook but no slot appeared. With great trepidation, Bot hurried back to Ajax still carrying the package. The man glowered when he saw him and barked "What happened?" Bot described the events at the Castle. Still glowering Beige strode into the back room and slammed the door behind him. Try as he might Bot could hear nothing but the slight murmur of voices from behind the door. At length, Beige reappeared all smiles, "Not to worry. Slight misunderstanding. The real password is Sonora. Don't forget now! Sonora! Now try it one more time." This time the trial went without a hitch. When he reported the results to Beige, Beige replied "Excellent. Your first delivery is tonight. Don't forget. You have a signed contract. Failure to make the delivery could result in grave consequences for everyone. You may keep the bicycle." Midnight found Bot picking up the package. Again all went well until Bot reached Destiny Castle. This time when he said "Sonora" there was a high pitched whine but the slot did not open. Aghast Bot starred at the slot and then hurried back to Ajax Employment. To his great dismay, the card was gone and the door was now labelled "International Clown College". What was Bot to do? How to make the delivery? All night Bot hurried between Mojave and Destiny searching for someone to tell him what to do. Giving up at dawn, he slept a few hours and then hurried back to International Clown College. Pushing inside he searched for Beige or some sign of Beige or some word of Beige or Destiny or Mojave but found only clowns with no interest in talking to him. Finally he gave up and returned home for the day, storing the package in a safe place in his cozy cubby. Midnight came and he tried again with the same results. As the days came and went Bot was getting richer but his cubby was filling up with undelivered packages. Finally one midnight, when he arrived at the Mojave building, the door was surrounded by a crowd of men with clipboards. He caught glimpses of Beige in the thick of the crowd. Beige glanced his way and waved him to silence. In due course, the crowd dispersed and Beige waved Bot forward. "We were wrong. All along the password really was Habaneer. Don't forget! Habaneer." With that Beige handed Bot the night's package and vanished. Hopefully Bot rode to Destiny and rang the bell. The voice asked "Password?" and Bot replied "Habaneer". The slot slid smoothly open and Bot placed the package inside. Before the slot slid all of the way closed, Bot heard a distant voice from inside the castle say "Habaneer two weeks waiting for this Destiny title search to finish!"

This is a true story and a homage to the late great Peter Sellers and the legendary Goon Show.

Silver a Becket

Silver was reinstated today after signing an oath in blood that she would not be "Using e-mail in a manner, which may bring discredit or embarrassment to the Duchy. "

Silver would like to know when the Duchy will agree to stop embarrassing us with headlines like

No good way to fix $700,000 Duchy mistake!

Indigo today discovered the perfect commentary on this whole episode at

the AnnoyedLibrarian. Like the Librarian's 2.0 Manifesto we are only allowed to say nice things about Destiny 7.5. I will be assimilated. I will be assimilated. I will be assimilated.

Rites of Autumn

It's fall and the Black Queen has kicked off the annual fall Rite of Firing Silver. Last year the Rite of Firing Silver was observed the week of August 18 (See agitateddots of August 20, 2006). This year the Rite began today. The Queen opened the annual observance by dropping Silver from the Librarians listserv and the Peasants listserv. This year the official Opening Excuse is that Silver asked a question about the speed of Destiny in a public forum and the faraway wizards of Destiny supposedly took offense. (Some villages have found the speed of Destiny to be pretty much the speed of Dark, as opposed to the speed of Light. Of course, many things in the Duchy operate at the speed of Dark so Destiny is well suited.) Silver, of course, can never believe that anyone could take offense at her shy and reserved demeanor (Shut UP, Fuschia!) so Silver is baffled. Silver can't remember if last year's rite included the Black Queen claiming that the Faraway Wizards of Destiny were threatening to sue, but then Silver frequently has trouble understanding the importance of rituals that don't involve hanging out with friends and eating and drinking. Clearly the Black Queen is comforted by the regular observances of the official Duchy religion. We have already had the Annual Announcing of the Interim Library Coordinator with that role being held again this year by the White Tornado. And we have also had the ritual of Maximizing Library Vacancies by losing Paperwork. Upcoming rites should be the Annual Announcing of the Search for the Permanent Library Coordinator and the Annual Announcing of the Creation of Silver's New Robes. (Silver has given up on the new robes and has stocked up on jeans.)

Comments
Anonymous said...
Are the peasants safe from the Black Queen, or is there another public forum that Silver isn't sharing with the poor suffering peasants? At least this peasant is catching up on tons of reading whilst waiting for the common (or is that uncommon?) error message to royally announce that "do, do, do, do, do, do, Can't touch (access) this (database)" (with apologies to M.C. Hammer for those who can't hear the singing in my head).
I have dutifully been sending my pigeons to Tits, but haven't received any replies. Are they under seige and, horror of horrors, eating my pigeons for sustanance? At least Silver sends my pigeons back.
Even the children of the village question Destiny. They ask, why? Who forces this Destiny on us? We will all die of hunger and thirst waiting, waiting, waiting.

Anonymous said...
1. we are all a TEAM here and we CAN be all-together for the good of the TEAM. and asking questions is what we teach as librarians/teachers every day of our lives. questions should not be scary things.2. the whole rigamarole over the library coordinator position (the more things change, the more they stay the same), just makes me want to go home and take a shower. did the Dutchy ever really -want- the position in the first place?
Pink

The Fairy Godmothers or How to stop worrying and embrace your Destiny

The sky is falling! The sky is falling! There are SSN's in Destiny! Quick!Shut it down! Shut it doooowwwn. Call the Fairy Godmothers! Call Fuchsia the Follay Fairy! Call someone!






Ring!!
Silver "Hello?"
Purple "Hello, Silver. The Lime Green Project Manager says the sky is falling."
Silver "What time is it?"
Purple "Uh, 7:30?"
Silver "In the morning?! Are you sure it's morning? It doesn't feel like morning."
Purple "Uh, yes? He says that if you don't call him immediately, he's turning off everyone's Destiny."
Silver "Tell him he should definitely turn it off." (Always make a bad situation worse.)
Purple "Silver! Behave!"
Silver "Oh, all right! I sent you a pigeon with the procedure for dealing with this. I'll be in shortly."
Purple "We'll get right on it. Will you call the LGPM?"
Silver "Oh, all RIGHT!"
Purple "Oops! I can't seem to get to Destiny any more."
Silver "Well, I guess we can't fix it them. See you later"
Ring!!
Silver "Hello, this is Silver."
LGPM "You have to fix this right NOW!!"
Silver "The Destiny server seems to be down. We can't work on when it's down."
LGPM "We turned it off. You have to fix it NOW before we turn it back on."
Silver "We really can't do anything to Destiny with the server down."
LGPM "But you have to!"
Silver, gently, "We really can't do anything when we can't even talk to Destiny!"
LGPM "You have to fix it right NOW!"
Silver "It's a complex procedure, lots of steps. It will take time. We can't even start until Destiny is up again."
LGPM "Um, I'll see if I can get it turned on again"

Silver put down the phone and went looking for Fuchsia and her Magic Wand. Unfortunately, Fuchsia is on the road with the Bead and Glitter Show and is currently in someplace much cooler than the Duchy. Silver was able to unearth Fuchsia's Magic Wand and took it to Dotland to join the other Fairy Godmothers.
(A digression - Follay thinks that Destiny should be managed by Godfathers. The Dots were really not comfortable wearing all that black and having associates named Guido who carry violin cases with dubious contents, not to mention the horse heads. So the Dots decided they would really rather be Fairy Godmothers.)
The Dots quickly discovered that their Magic Wands were completely exhausted. They had been loaned to the LGPM to deal with the Promethean boards. As a result, the wands are completely out of Fairy Dust, and some of the Promethean boards have odd scratches from being repeatedly whacked with wands. ALL of the connections are full of glitter. The Dots have requistioned more Fairy Dust but there is no budget for Fairy Dust. Besides, Fairy Dust is on backorder at the Godmother Store. So the Dots aka Fairy Godmothers had to deal with the crisis in their usual Nike way - Just do it.

Later, the LGPM said "I knew it would all work out. That's why I didn't panic."

"Hmmmm," thought the Dots "So that's what the LGPM looks like when he's not panicking. I would never have guessed."

Green is the color of the project managers face

The Lime Green Project Manager is green with envy. He noticed that the villages were asking the Dots lots of questions about Destiny but no one was asking him questions about Destiny. He sent out a pigeon to all of the libraries saying "Look at ME! I can answer questions too. Stop asking the Dots questions and ask ME." Shortly thereafter his pigeon loft completely filled up with pigeons needing attention so all incoming pigeons were turned away unread and unanswered. The LGPM hasn't been heard of since. Perhaps his pigeon loft got too full and exploded on him, sort of a pigeon bomb? (For more about animal bombs, read Janet Evanovich's Lean Mean Thirteen, in which Lula finds an exploding squirrel.)

Destiny r us. Assimilated will be you. Danger, Will Robinson, danger!

Destiny has attacked Dotland! The Dots are all running as fast as they can and Destiny is still gaining on them. Meanwhile, the Lime Green Project Manager is obsessing about book covers. "Things are collapsing around us and he's worried about cover pictures?!" shrieked Silver. Turquiose is having therapy sessions and massages. Sage is increasing her intake of organic phytonutrients and channeling legendary catalogers of the past, like St. Minutia. The Black Queen is, of course, her useful helpful, charming self. Hearing of a library disaster at Blenman Village, she immediately dispatched help. Since Michael Brown's FEMA is no longer available, she called Dotland and demanded an immediate crew of packers or unpackers or something. The Dots attempted to contact the village for details and got no answer! Fearing the worst, Turquoise made a scouting trip and discovered Blenman surrounded by a sea of mud and construction workers. The construction crew was adamant about not wanting aid from FEMA or Dotland. Silver thought that the Queen COULD have checked the construction schedule before demanding a crew. In this highly stressful atmosphere, the following conversation was overheard in the SNEAC building.
[ring]
Hello, may I help you?
Is this Bombs and Engineering?
Yes, this is Bonds and Engineering.
Whatever. I understand that you have a new cannon.
Yes, we have a Canon printer.
Whatever. Can we borrow your cannon?
What did you have in mind?
Well, there's a parking lot on the north side of 10th street, near 1010 E. 10th. We'd like it delivered to that parking lot, pointing south toward the big glass doors. About 10:30 am. They should all be at work then.
Who would be at work? What is this? Who are you?
Never mind who I am. Just deliver the cannon and we'll take care of the rest.

We are Destiny. You have been assimilated.

The Dots are getting ready for the big beginning of the year party. They are worried about how to introduce all of the changes to everyone at the party. This is complicated by not being able find out what the changes are. The Lime Green Project Manager keeps promising to get back to them. He must not be leaving a trail of breadcrumbs because he never manages to find his way back. It turns out that breadcrumbs are very important in Destiny so maybe LGPM will figure it out soon. The LGPM was concerned that the Destiny screen colors didn't match the Duchy logo colors but fortunately Destiny has been give a waiver and doesn't have to match the logo. It's a different story for employers. The Duchy guarantees that all employees match the logo colors. Employees are always either scarlet with fury and frustration or have turned blue from holding their breath waiting for problems to be solved. What color are you currently? Are you holding your breath waiting for the new coordinator to be named? Remember you have to take a breath occasionally. The Duchy logo does not include Corpse Gray or Decomposition Green. Those colors would undoubtedly be a violation of your contract.
The Dots are trying to work out new terminology too. We no longer have the Grand Union. The new system is more of a collective, like the Borg Collective. We are Destiny. You have been assimilated. Silver is trying to figure out what kind of Destiny appliances she should order to better serve the collective. Perhaps a USB port in her left index finger?

The Black Queen and the Library Coordinator, cont.

Anonymous said...
You don't think the Black Queen -wants- a coordinator position? In the long run, wouldn't it help out the Black Queen?

I see what you mean. You realize that the Black Queen has many responsibilities and a competent underling to handle library matters could only help her. You obviously also understand the importance of libraries to education and to higher test scores. If the Black Queen has the best interests of the Duchy and the students in mind, of course she would want a library coordinator to help ensure the quality of the library programs. In addition, a competent, confident and ambitious administrator wants a large competent staff in order to increase their own power and prestige. Further, a library coordinator in between the Black Queen and the Librarians could keep her from making embarrassing faux pas's like attempting to turn all of the Dots "back" into village peasants without checking to see whether that was phyisically possibly ...or accusing the Dots of "skimming" and then having to beg the White Queen for extra money to pay the bills that the Black Queen had forgotten about.

On the other hand, I have observed that the Black Queen usually seems to get what she wants. She wanted SmartyPants Boards and got them. Then she wanted Boards With The Gift of Fire and she got them. She wanted to disband Dotland and it has gone from a staff of 8.75 to a staff of 3.25. She says that she wanted a Library Coordinator but the Gods were apparently just unalterably opposed and prevented this from happening for 8 whole months. I can't help but feel that someone in the Duchy hierarchy does not want a library coordinator. In case you have not seen an org chart recently, that hierarchy is: Black Queen to White Queen to Duke Phfffr. Which one do you think doesn't want a library coordinator?

The Black Queen and the Library Coordinator

I keep hearing that the Black Queen is very supportive of libraries. Really. The Library Coordinator was promised by the end of October - last year. Now, 8 and 1/2 months later and tomorrow there will be interviews for the Library Coordinator. The way the interviews were arranged is evidence of the Black Queen's great dedication to quality library programs. The candidates were notified about the interviews a good 40 hours in advance, plenty of time to rearrange schedules, get airline tickets, cancel appointments. Her Blackness is just bending over backwards to make sure that the very best candidates are available for the job. What if none of the candidates can make it to the interviews? What if not enough candidates can make it for the interview to make it a valid hiring process? Does that mean that they would then have to start all over and readvertise the job again? Am I wrong in thinking that this is a win-win for the Black Queen?

Destined to ?

The Lime Green Project Manager has struck again. He used to be the Lime Green Knight but apparently got tired of jousts and horses and whatnot and promoted himself to Project Manager. Yesterday he arranged a conference call to with Follay to "get answers to our questions." At least that's what the Dots thought. However, instead of arranging a call with someone who actually had answers, LGPM called the Follay collective. "We are Follay. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated." The Dots managed to escape without being assimilated. They weren't sure about the LGPM. Maybe he's already been assimilated. Today the LGPM had arranged a "training" for the Dots. It probably would have been more like a real training if LGPM had made sure all of the equipment worked beforehand and had forwarded the training workbook to the trainees, like he was supposed to. Methinks the LGPM needs to go back to being a Knight. After all, Knights have Squires to take care of the horses, polish armor, print out workbooks, make sure the equipment works. When the Dots do training, they make sure the equipment works the day before the training. Of course, they also have a contingency plan because in the Duchy equipment that worked perfectly yesterday doesn't always work today. When Gold and Silver did training they always made copies of the training workbook ahead of time. Maybe LGPM was assimilated long ago.
The Dots did learn something really useful today. With Destiny and the Z39.50 magic ray, you can search the Duchy records and the Library of Congress, all at the same time. And when you find the record you want, you can just save it, instead of the usual sequence of download, count to 100 while Windows hides the file, hunt for the file, and if you can find the file, you get to import it. With Destiny it's just one mouseclick. Wow. That is, in the Wild World it's one mouseclick; in the Duchy, the laws of physicks (and magicks) are different. In the Duchy, electrons don't travel at the speed of light, they travel at the speed of dark. (In case you don't know the speed of dark, it's very slow and falls over things a lot.) In the Duchy, the Z39.50 magic ray can't go through the Duchy walls. Why does the Duchy keep buying technology that they won't allow to operate? We didn't have to pay nearly 1 million dollars for software that the Duchy doesn't want to work. You can buy really cheap library systems that don't have Z39.50. (Actually, you can't. Even free library systems do Z39.50 these days!) Bureaucracies never seem to understand that if you don't want the system to work, you don't have to pay money for it. Since it's not working, you can just pretend that you bought it. A system that doesn't work can be absolutely free, require no power, no floor space, and completely invisible. That would be so much more efficient than paying a lot of money and then having to spend all that time trying to keep the system from working.

All quiet on the Dotland front

Things are still quiet in Dotland, possibly a little too quiet? The Lime Green Knight had a meeting to discuss Dynasty or Destiny or the Destiny of Dynasty or maybe the Dynasty of Destiny. Sage and Silver and Purple and Indigo and Cornflower were there. Makes a nice color scheme, doesn't it? The Lime Green Knight is worried about color schemes. He's afraid that the Destiny colors, dark teal, purple, and dark green, don't match the Duchy colors of blue and red. The Duchy now insists that all colors match. The Duchy is writing a School Bored policy about matching colors. Is part of the Duchy's bid for achieving Unitary Status? Does Unitary mean that all colors are united into one color? If all the colors are united is the Unitary color black or white? Either way isn't it going to be hard to read? Perhaps we should wait for the Bored policy to find out what colors we can have. Maybe this issue should have been part of the Destiny RFP? Silver finally agreed to look into the issue of colors. The rest of the meeting was devoted to scheduling the next meeting which will be Monday or Tuesday or maybe Thursday but probably not Wednesday or Friday.
Since not much is happening in Dotland, maybe this is a good time to do some cooking all of the great Dotland recipes are at http://dotland.pbwiki.com/Food
Enjoy!

The Doldrums

Dotland seems to be in the depths of the doldrums. Blue is gone. The White Tornado is gone. The remaining Dots worked furiously moving from Follay to Destiny until the wind from the desert blew through and shut everything down. Which desert? Gobi? Kalahari? Sonora? No. Mojave. That's it. The great voice from the desert spoke and said "Thou shalt not touch a school server until we've finished rolling them over." So the Dots turned to learning more about Destiny. Their first realization was that the images used to advertise Destiny are really unfortunate. What was their designer thinking? The bridge is sort of twisted and it looks like the last span has already fallen down. It looks like a good image for a story beginning "It was a dark and stormy night..." Follay thinks this is an image of the Golden Gate Bridge. I guess that's what happens when you live in Illinois and have never been to San Francisco. The Dots think that Destiny should have a much more hopeful and positive image. For example, here's one from a Tucson High student. Doesn't the golden castle on the hill look more inviting than the falling down bridge to nowhere? Of course, maybe the falling down bridge is more accurate. Leaving aside the unfortunate choice of design (what

WERE they thinking!) the Dots have found lots of good things about Destiny. Unfortunately, several of the good things don't work because of the Duchy's continual campaign to protect us from information. Save files? Look at images? Search the internet? That might result in the transfer of knowledge from the outside world and that would rock the Duchy on its very foundations.

Run for your lives! The School Bored is meeting!

Tomorrow night there is yet another Bored meeting. On the agenda is:

• the budget override (postponed from the last meeting)
• the reorganization chart (postponed from the last meeting)
• the admin appointments (postponed from the last meeting) including Assistant Superintendent of Teaching and Learning, Assistant Superintendent of Student Services, Director of Professional Development, Director of Curriculum and Instruction, and Director of Career and Technical Education.
• the 07-08 budget

What's the difference between Curriculum and Instruction, Teaching and Learning and Professional Development? Why do we need both an Assistant Superintendent of Student Services and a Chief Executive Officer of Educational Support Services? Why are they in completely different offices? Does anyone else find Office (or Department) of Teaching and Learning a lame name? If more than 3 people show up for call to the audience to discuss the $700,000 "accounting error", will all those other sticky topics be postponed again? The $700,000 is not on the agenda, although adding an auditing committee is.
In meantime, Destiny stalks the halls of the SNEAC building.

Library coordinator Blues

People are asking why there have been few, if any, applicants for the Library Coordinator position. Let's see...

• The position has NEVER been advertised correctly. In the current version the listed salary doesn't match the listed grade. The whole saga of wrong listings would seem to indicate a certain amount of administrative ambivalence about the desirability of having a coordinator.
• Insiders know what happened to the last Library Coordinator.
• Outsiders are all rejected by HR (alias Shredder Central) because they aren't insiders and don't have a current local fingerprint card. If the fingerprint card is current then it's the wrong color.
• Thanks to a $700,000 "oversight" the entire United States now knows how well managed the Duchy is. That little fiasco has made its way from the AP wire to Education Week, Insurance Journal, etc. Would you want to work for a Duchy that's likely to ask for your salary back because someone else made a mistake?
• The Black Queen frequently says "No one works harder in support of librarians than I do." This is absolutely true. Notice that she does not say she has supported libraries, just that no one else works harder at it. The Black Queen has indeed worked very hard to see that no one is allowed to support libraries.

In other news, the Duchy Bored held a "Special" meeting last night to discuss the new organization chart, which of course is not on display anywhere. However, following the audio recording of the meeting while looking at the current org chart, the changes are....broad? no... sweeping? no.... negligible? That's it!
They have moved Ethnic studies from the left side of the page to the middle of the page and surrounded it with a dotted line moat. In a major attempt to trim the administrative fat, they have cut high level administrative positions from 47 to.... 46 for a total savings of $0.00.

Bored: What's the difference between an Executive Director and a Director?
Duke: An Executive Director supervises Directors.
Bored: Can you give me an example? For instance, what directors does the Executive Director of Financial Services supervise?
Duke: The Executive Director of Financial Services supervises the Director of Purchasing.
Bored: That's it? The Executive Director supervises ONE Director?
Duke: That's right.
(Hmmm, I begin to see the problem.)

One of the Bored members wanted to see a list of positions with salaries to see why 46 administrators cost exactly the same as 47 administrators. (bulk buying?)

The Duke wanted to point out that students and parents were in Pink and Administrators were in Green.

The White Queen wanted everyone to know what a wonderful job everyone had done in all of the meetings that were necessary to arrive at the new org chart. The Bored wanted to know if the people in the meetings had seen and approved of the new org chart. The White Queen said "No, they were only there to provide Input." (I think I've been misunderstanding that word. I thought it meant information, opinions, things like that. I'm beginning to wonder if it's not like the Matrix. They fill the Bored room with innocents thinking they are part of a focus group, bore them unconsious, hook them up to machines and use their "Input" to power the massive energy drain caused by the incessant powerpoints.)

Civil war in the Duchy?

Duke Phfffr is currently taking heavy fire from a School Bored militant, however, other representatives of the Bored claim to support the Duke. Today's skirmishes together with rising unrest among the Duchy villagers is causing Duchy watchers to ask "Is it civil war?" The administration continues to claim that everthing is under control and "on-track". There are still rumors of new org charts. Sources of unknown reliability claim to have actually SEEN the rumored org charts with their own eyes. These reports are unverified. What has been verifed is that the Bored agenda included "Administrative Appointments" but that didn't happen. Why? The Coordinator Job is once again on display. It just keeps popping up. We're pretty sure that there have been qualified applicants. Maybe the Job is just Bait. Is the Castle attempting to eliminate librarians by luring them in with a "job application" and then feeding them to a monster in the basement? Is there a monster in the basement? (We know there is a basement.)

Dotland's Destiny

Have you seen the Visa check card commercial with all the people whirling in circles of activity in a busy deli? That's been Dotland for the last two weeks. All of the Dots (except Blue who is attending a family funeral) and some of the T's (from TS) have been converting libraries from Follay to Destiny. They all seem to be whirling independently, maybe even randomly, loosely choreographed with checklists and post-its and e-mails. Even though it looks like random, frenetic movement, it all meshes smoothly. An e-mail to a T shoots out of a circle of activity, some time later, a Dot grabs the return e-mail and sends it where it needs to go. Like a factory, at the end, there's a stack of converted Follay databases, just waiting for the Destiny delivery man to roll into town and pick them up. The Dot's productivity has stunned the Lime Green Knight. The White Tornado said "You are kicking butt and taking names." "No", said Sage, "We are kicking butt and taking SCHOOLS, not just names!"

There was a Bored Meeting this week. There was the usual parade from "Call to the audience" when person after person, taxpayers, parents, employees, got up to talk about malfeasance, misfeasance and general distrust of Duchy leadership. Listening to the audiotape you can just see the Bored and the Duke staring stonily into space. There was the usual person complaining that their child was harrassed and discriminated against. It is a pain in the butt to go to a Bored meeting, fill out the little card, wait your turn, which won't come because it always runs over time, coming back the next meeting to wait again. I have trouble believing that someone would go to that much trouble to air a completely baseless complaint. Her child probably was discriminated against. One of the other speakers also commented on the total failure of the Duchy grievance process to ever fix ANYTHING. Maybe if the Duchy would force administrators to pay attention and act on employee and parent complaints, we would not need Customer Service Training and Cultural Proficiency. Actually WE don't need the training however apparently the occupants of the Castle could use all of that training plus some classes in basic check balancing. ($700,000 mistake in the books 2 years ago?!) Fortunately, the call to the audience has a time limit so soon the Bored and the Duke had gone back to telling each other how involved, concerned, compassionate, progessive and just all around wonderful they are.

Technology mysteries revealed

The Dots have been wondering why the brand new computers in the SNEAC building are so slooooooow. (When your computer is slow, you have lots of time for wondering.) This week they think they might have solved the mystery. As you might know information on networks travels in packets. The drawing to the right shows how the packets move in the Wide World. Looks pretty neat, huh? Now lets take a closer look at "Your Local Area Network" in the SNEAC building. Here's a picture of one of those packets moving from a SNEAC computer to the Local Area Network.


The mouse carrying this particular packet of information in his little mouse saddlebag was spotted under Silver's desk moving to the North. Is this what TS meant when they said that the SNEAC building was going wireless? A nest of these little network packet carriers was discovered in a bottom file drawer in Science. The Management of the SNEAC building is calling the exterminators and exhorting the Dots not to leave food lying around. Will this cut the speed to zero? Or is it so slow because the packet carriers are starving because the Dots are only leaving the crumbs around? Do they need to put out cookies and milk? Or is that for Brownies? Would Brownies be better than Rodents? Maybe TS should do a feasibility study?


Letters to the Editor
Re: The Rumor Mill
...and I quote:"This rejection was made by Human Resources without notifying anyone on the hiring committee. (rumor)"does this mean that an actual hiring committee already exists? I'd like to know who is involved on that?
Anonymous

Retraction
The rumor that a hiring committee actually exists was unfortunately left out the of "The Rumor Mill". We apologize for the omission. There is no evidence that any decisions in the Duchy are made by a committee or by any means other than consulting the Magic 8 ball. We would like to be able to tell the public who is actually using the Magic 8 ball but that information is a closely guarded secret.


Thought for the day
"There's no point in having a strategy if you aren't going to pretend to follow it."

- Pointy haired manager in Dilbert

Phfffr's phfffdoms

The U in DUCHY is supposed to stand for Unified, meaning "formed or united into a whole". Even the Town Crier has noticed that the right hand isn't speaking to the left hand. Isn't speaking...shoot, Right Hand doesn't even have Leftie's cell phone number! And then there's the question of whether the Duchy is following it's own policies. Clearly the Duchy is not united into a whole. Actually, it's pretty much a collection of warring fiefdoms. Currently the Keeper of the Castle Checkbook is making war on White Tornado with the Black Queen cheering from the sidelines. (We're not sure who she's cheering for.) The Department of Village and Peasant Resources is working overtime shredding or losing job applications to ensure that all of the Job beasts starve from lack of tasty, nutricious applications. Do they own stock in an Unemployment Insurance Company or what? The Black Queen seems to be waging a stealth campaign against TS, repeatedly threatening them with the Sword of Right-sizing. Dotland and the Village Librarians and Peasants have never done well at the feudal system, prefering to operate in the Information Age, not the Stone Age. So Dotland is secretly collaborating with the Lime Green Knight and TS to bring about our Manifest Destiny. We're all hoping that's a Good Thing, even though it sometimes seems that the Manifest Destiny of the Duchy is to collapse in a cloud of dust and noise.

The Black Queen, again!

The Black Queen is being her usual truthful, charming self.
Imagined conversation between the White Tornado and the Black Queen:
WT: Blue is leaving. Dotland will be too small to handle the workload. We'll need to replace her.
BQ: Oh, didn't I tell you? I just got orders directly from the White Queen and Duke Roger that Dotland will have to be cut by one position.

Yeah, right. We supposed to believe that the same Duke Roger who took months to hear that the Duchy had miscalculated insurance premiums to the tune of $700,000.00 is so attentive that he knows that Dotland is too large and needs to be cut. Get a grip.

Trouble in DestinyLand?

The Dots are deep in the midst of converting to Destiny. The Lime Green Knight seems to have underestimated the time required. He must have been listening to the Tin Woodsman again. If he only had a brain... In all of the meetings, Lime Green would always say "The whole district could be converted in a day." and Silver would say "No, that wouldn't be possible." You see, Silver had read the conversion instructions whereas Lime Green was apparently only getting his information from the Tin Woodsman. Maybe the Tin Woodsman needs to get on the Yellow Brick Road and ask the Wizard for a Brain. Actually, the whole Duchy needs the Yellow Brick Road. All of the denizens of the Castle could use a little more heart, a little more brains (well maybe a lot more brains) and a little more courage.

The end of an era

Blue is leaving!
Dotland is only one Dot smaller...but Blue was the foundation! Blue kept us together. Blue made us nicer Dots. Blue knew everything and, more importantly, knew WHY. What will we do without Blue?
Blue is leaving to join JTED. (Is that like a gang? Will there be colors? Will Blue stop wearing Blue? Will Blue stop being Blue Dot? Perish the thought! Once a Dot, always a Dot.)
On the good side, Blue will still be in SNEAC building and available for potlucks and general moral support.
In other news, the Coordinator Job beast has been sighted once again. The description is much more accurate. I am concerned about one thing. The Job is listed as Exempt Grade 2. Do the grades for Exempt positions differ from regular positions? Grade 2 is pretty low in regular positions. Peasants are Grade 4. So is the Coordinator less important than the Peasant? Oh, let's not go THERE. We all know that without Peasants, it all falls apart. Will the Coordinator be paid less than the Peasant? Hmmmmm.

The Alternate Universe

I've just finished reading Un Lun Dun by China Mieville, which is about an alternate universe containing all that is broken, discarded or worn out from the "real" universe. UnLondon is only one of the cities in the alternate universe. There is also Parisn't, Lost Angeles, Sans Francisco, No York, Baghdidn't, Hong Gone and so on. I know we've always assumed that the Duchy was part of the "real" universe, but look at the evidence. Clearly the Duchy is broken, the teachers worn out, the educational philosophies we keep pursuing are the those long discarded by assorted business philosophers. Remember "strategic planning"? Remember how it was proclaimed last year that we would all be doing this new "strategic planning" lark? The guru of Strategic Planning, Henry Mintzberg, published "The rise and fall of strategic planning" in 1994! I rest my case. Clearly the Duchy is located in the alternate city of Tucsoff rather than Tucson. Doesn't that explain a lot? Most of our tech is broken when it's delivered. Well, of course it is. It was broken in Tucson and leaked over to us in Tucsoff. Really explains GoG and the Black Queen, doesn't it. In Un Lun Dun, the villains are eliminated with the UnGun, loaded with an assortment of appropriate things. What would the UnGun need to be loaded with to eliminate GoG and the Black Queen? Information might be the silver bullet in both cases. The Black Queen has a real aversion to fact checking. She assured Idea that the JOB would be correctly posted Friday. A simple check of the the Duchy Web site would have revealed that the job is already posted, incorrectly again. Incidentally, there is hope in the alternate universe. Broken things that are completely repaired go back to the real universe. (Ever noticed that the things TS fixes are never completely fixed?) However, broken things can be repurposed. How can the Black Queen be repurposed?

The Rumor Mill

Various interesting tidbits have come to the Rumor Mill lately.

• Duke Roger's end of the year letter once again very sincerely stresses the great importance of intercultural proficiency. (Not a rumor - read the letter here )
• Next year all 9th graders will have to take a 2 semester course in intercultural proficiency - which is not on the AIMS. (rumor)
• At intercultural proficiency meetings, below the level that Duke Roger attends, the main concern is with the lack of intercultural proficiency in faculty and staff. (rumor)
• Most people feel that the way to tackle intercultural proficiency is in early childhood, kindergarten might already be too late. (unsubstantiated - can't quickly find the research)
• A certain gap-toothed ex-Bored member is widely known for interfering in Duchy affairs whenever there is a perceived breech incident of bigotry or racism.
• An excellent Anglo candidate for the Library Coordinator job was just rejected by Duchy Human Resources because her Arizona fingerprint card is out of date...because she has been working at the university level out of state...her out of state fingerprint card was current. This rejection was made by Human Resources without notifying anyone on the hiring committee. (rumor)

All of this raises a LOT of questions. Was the rejection "reverse discrimination" or SHEER OVERWEENING INCOMPETENCE on the part of HR? How would GapTooth have reacted if the rejected candidate had been non-Anglo? How many of GapTooth's past crusades have been motivated by incidents caused not by lack of intercultural proficiency but SHEER INCOMPETENCE? Could all relationships in the Duchy be improved by just insisting that a) the entire faculty and staff do their job competently and b) that the operations of the Duchy be conducted with public oversight instead of always sweeping everything under the rug, thereby attracting the attention of community watchdogs like GapTooth? Does anyone believe that the Duchy doesn't NEED WATCHING? Why doesn't Duke Roger know what the inhabitants of the Castle are DOING? Will the new yearlong course in intercultural proficiency be overseen by Curriculum under the Black Queen? In fairness, the Black Queen is equally incompetent in both cultural and intercultural proficiency. This does not seem like a good recomendation for her position.

Other interesting rumors...

• The Lime Green Knight is miffed because he thinks Silver and Idea have been deciding the Duchy's Destiny without consulting him. (rumor) (A lot of nerve on his part since he picked Destiny without consulting them or anyone else for that matter. Maybe he feels that it's HIS TOY and he shouldn't have to share.)
• The previously sighted Library Coordinator Job beast is being dismissed. Supposedly the beast will reappear "soon" in even finer plumage. (Good thing, that last plumage was piss-poor.)
• Idea will be seen in Dotland erratically (or a least as erratically as Idea can be) until the new Job is permanent. Care to join the pool on when THAT will be?
• The Library Technical Coordinator Job beast will not be seen until after the Library Coordinator Job beast. (rumor)
• The Duchy appears to have sprouted two new departments - Student Services and Teaching and Learning. (Not a rumor - see Job Openings for the two assistant superintendent postings.) (I think Teaching and Learning is a LAME NAME, it lacks flow, also lacks meaning.)

Enough rumors. Happy Memorial Day!

Security risks

The Dots cannot use flash drives because that would be a security risk. However, as Purple pointed out, allowing the chimpanzees in the Castle to run the Duchy is an even greater security risk. Purple, Silver, and Sage were attempting to divine the new Org Chart based on clues in the posted job descriptions. However, they were unable to determine which statements were true clues and which was just normal Duchy incompetence. At that point they gave up on the org chart and turned to other possibilities. The Dots were closely questioning YellowandBlack Dot about the new Cannon in Bombs and Engineering. YellowandBlack assured them that the Cannon was a compact model and would easily fit in a car trunk. "Oh, good." said Sage, "No trailer hitch". ("At this point there's a gap in the recording." "What recording?" "Never mind. Just ignore the little antennas in the leftoever cherry tomatoes.") "(inaudible)...back up to the front doors, pop the trunk, fire a volley through the front doors, and leave." said Sage. "A drive-by volley!" crowed Silver. "But's a Canon, not a cannon." said YellowandBlack. "Doesn't matter" said Purple, "It'll still work. We can bury them in paper." (The rest of the conversation was lost when someone ate the cherry tomato.)

As the Duchy turns

The Job sightings get stranger and stranger. Supposedly there were two, count them two, applicants for last week's strangely described "Teacher-Librarian" sort-of coordinator. Boy, the world is really beating a path to the door. Now this week there are a plethora of other jobs. There is the CIO of Technology and Telecommunications Services, which is really interesting because Telecommunications packed his bags and moved to Facilities several months ago. Does this mean there has been a reconciliation? Then there is the CEO of Educational Support Services. That would be the CIO's boss, maybe? Now there is the Assistant Superintendent of Student Services. Is Student Services over Educational Support Services? The CEO of ESS used to report directly to Duke Phfffr. Has the CEO been demoted before being hired? But my personal favorite new job is the Assistant Superintendent Teaching & Learning. WHAT?!! The obvious thought is that the Duchy has changed CITI into T&L (not to be confused with T&A). However, there two NEW jobs listed for CITI. Does that mean that T&L is a NEW department? (Starting salary is $100,000 for the assistant super. Way to reduce administrative costs!) Do we get to guess who's going to get that job? Supposedly there is a new org chart and Libraries are not under Customer Service. Libraries are, however, understaffed, underfunded, underappreciated, underused, and perennially under threat of being eliminated. The new org chart is apparently invisible, sort of the Duke's new org chart. Everyone says it's wonderful but us commoners can't see it.
Back to the question of TiTS. Since Telecommunications has abandoned his partners, we are left with just TS, which appears to be the new department motto. Silver thought we should be able to use flash drives for exchanging information and put in a request for that to happen. Which was denied by the Preventor of Information Technology, head of TS. Exchanging information is a security risk and we will have none of that in this Duchy. (Does this explain our AIMS scores?)

CI, CI, O

Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O
And in the duchy he had some schools
CI, CI, O
With a test, test here and a fail, fail there
Here a test, there a fail, everywhere a test failed
Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O

Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O
And in the duchy he had a network
CI, CI, O
With a router down here and a switch down there
Here a dead hub, there no connection, everywhere a network failed
Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O

Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O
In that duchy he needed a -- CIO
CI, CI, O
With new software here, old hardware there,
Here no M&O, there a Soft Capital Committee, everywhere a Duchy failed
Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O

Will this CIO last longer than the last Director of Technology and Telecommunications?
When this CIO quits, will his resignation letter be printed in the daily paper?
CI, CI, O!

Bombs and Engineering

Today Yellow/Black announced that Bombs and Engineering had acquired a new cannon. They are very pleased about it but the other Dots were somewhat nervous. Is Bombs and Engineering preparing for war with Busland over the new No Parking lot? (Normally it would be called a parking lot but since no one parks there and it's usually locked, it's more of a No Parking lot. ) The White Tornado will turn into a pumpkin in a few short weeks. This will leave the Dots once again at the mercy of the Black Queen and GoG. There are rumors about the new Org Chart. Will Librarians have to wear caps and ask "Would you like fries with that?"? Rumor is that instead of a new head of TS there will instead be a Duchy CIO (Chief Information Officer) just as if the Duchy were a real organization. Perhaps the CIO will be the Lime Green Knight. (Although he would be more of a CDO, Chief Disinformation Officer.) Then GoG could be the new Library Coordinator and the Librarians could all retire and move to a more library friendly state, maybe Utah.

The Job Chimera

The Job Beast is definitely some sort of Chimera. The White Tornado had a detailed description which seems to bear no relationship to the current Job Beast. Speculation now is that this is a genetically engineered beast created specifically for ... (gasp)....GoG. In addition to the Job Beast we were apparently supposed to see another fabled creature this week, the new Org Chart. The New and Improved Org Chart was waved briefly in front of the audience at this week's meeting of the Bored. However, a few members of the audience were unfortunately still awake so the Bored tabled the New and Improved Org Chart until another meeting away from curious public taxpayer eyes. Hmmmm.

The Magical Destiny Tour

Sage and Silver and the White Tornado were first in line for the Magical Destiny Tour, tickets in hand, eager to see the wonders of Destiny. Also present were the Lime Green Knight, some folks from Follay, Bookstore Guy, 2 Librarians, HighTech Guy, some folks from TS, and some Desert Tribesmen. It's a very popular tour and very, very interesting. All kinds of int-ter-resting information. Silver thought the Lime Green Knight would be the tour guide, but he seemed to be more interested in concealing information than dispensing it. Follay asked when the Destiny servers would be delivered. The Lime Green Knight said he didn't know. Follay asked what district wide library policies we had. The Lime Green Knight said "We'll discuss that later." Follay asked who was in charge of textbooks for the district. The Lime Green Knight said "We'll have to talk about that later." Follay asked which central office bought the textbooks. Uh, none. Which central office receives the textbooks and distributes them to the schools? Uh, none. Who is responsible for the textbooks? Uh, nobody. Follay said, "Well, the ultimate goal will be to handle textbooks centrally in order to save money." (Quick now, how many people have heard both the Black Queen and the White Queen say, "All of the budgets are going to the sites in the future and this will never change. The budgets will never come back to central.") Follay stopped short of asking why we bought this sucker when we apparently don't ever plan to use it the way it was intended to be used. In the meantime, Bookstore Guy is calmly explaining why Destiny won't work for them and besides Pooh Bear Software is working wonderfully already. (Wait a minute. I thought Bookstore Guy wanted Destiny. Oops, guess not.) Then we moved on to the question of student records. This was the Desert Tribes turn. Silver has been asking White Tornado for weeks if the Desert Tribes had been part of the decision making process. This was news to the Desert Tribe. They said, "Wait a minute, no one told us that WE had anything to do with this. We can't do anything. Our schedule is completely booked. We have caravans scheduled for every day from know until the Harvest Moon. We can't help in ANY WAY." Then the Desert Tribe went back to their tent. Bookstore Guy and HighTech Guy had both been listening to the negotiation with the Desert Tribe and they said "Wait a minute, this means that Destiny won't do what the Finance Offices want either." Hmmmmmm. Has someone bought a pig in a poke? The Desert Tribe did come back and say that they would help with some basic things, nothing too complicated. After that things moved on to library issues which were much less interesting. After all the library folks have already opened the poke and examined the pig as thoroughly as possible what with the Lime Green Knight trying to keep the poke closed and the pig out of sight.
In other news, the Job Beast is a chameleon - or maybe a chimera. This morning it was of the Library Services species. Tonight it's of the CITI species. (Isn't CITI some sleazy offshore banking operation?)

The Magical Destiny Tour

Sage and Silver and the White Tornado were first in line for the Magical Destiny Tour, tickets in hand, eager to see the wonders of Destiny. Also present were the Lime Green Knight, some folks from Follay, Bookstore Guy, 2 Librarians, HighTech Guy, some folks from TS, and some Desert Tribesmen. It's a very popular tour and very, very interesting. All kinds of int-ter-resting information. Silver thought the Lime Green Knight would be the tour guide, but he seemed to be more interested in concealing information than dispensing it. Follay asked when the Destiny servers would be delivered. The Lime Green Knight said he didn't know. Follay asked what district wide library policies we had. The Lime Green Knight said "We'll discuss that later." Follay asked who was in charge of textbooks for the district. The Lime Green Knight said "We'll have to talk about that later." Follay asked which central office bought the textbooks. Uh, none. Which central office receives the textbooks and distributes them to the schools? Uh, none. Who is responsible for the textbooks? Uh, nobody. Follay said, "Well, the ultimate goal will be to handle textbooks centrally in order to save money." (Quick now, how many people have heard both the Black Queen and the White Queen say, "All of the budgets are going to the sites in the future and this will never change. The budgets will never come back to central.") Follay stopped short of asking why we bought this sucker when we apparently don't ever plan to use it the way it was intended to be used. In the meantime, Bookstore Guy is calmly explaining why Destiny won't work for them and besides Pooh Bear Software is working wonderfully already. (Wait a minute. I thought Bookstore Guy wanted Destiny. Oops, guess not.) Then we moved on to the question of student records. This was the Desert Tribes turn. Silver has been asking White Tornado for weeks if the Desert Tribes had been part of the decision making process. This was news to the Desert Tribe. They said, "Wait a minute, no one told us that WE had anything to do with this. We can't do anything. Our schedule is completely booked. We have caravans scheduled for every day from know until the Harvest Moon. We can't help in ANY WAY." Then the Desert Tribe went back to their tent. Bookstore Guy and HighTech Guy had both been listening to the negotiation with the Desert Tribe and they said "Wait a minute, this means that Destiny won't do what the Finance Offices want either." Hmmmmmm. Has someone bought a pig in a poke? The Desert Tribe did come back and say that they would help with some basic things, nothing too complicated. After that things moved on to library issues which were much less interesting. After all the library folks have already opened the poke and examined the pig as thoroughly as possible what with the Lime Green Knight trying to keep the poke closed and the pig out of sight.
In other news, the Job Beast is a chameleon - or maybe a chimera. This morning it was of the Library Services species. Tonight it's of the CITI species. (Isn't CITI some sleazy offshore banking operation?)

A Sighting!!

One of the legendary Job Beasts has been sighted at this location. It is supposed to remain visible until Friday. The description is somewhat sketchy and the Beast appears to be somewhat undersized, but it's definitely a Job Beast. Let's see, it took the Black Queen 8 months to get a 2 sentence description posted. Will wonders never cease?

The Quest, redux

Occasionally I begin to think that I misjudge the Black Queen. I begin to think that I'm really exaggerating, artistic license, you know. No one can be that devious, even more, no one human can convince the White Tornado, over and over, that the Coordinator Job beast really exists. However, once again, her Blackness exceeds expectations and once again the Coordinator Job is nowhere to be seen. Yesterday the White Tornado related another story from the Black Queen. In a dreaded Budget Meeting, someone suggested cutting 4 hours of peasant time from every village in the land. Everyone around the table nodded solemnly, "Yes, it will be so." But the Black Queen sprang up, sword and shield in hand, and valiantly defended the peasants 4 hours until the Meeting gave up and went back to sleep. Somehow, I have trouble visualizing the Black Queen defending libraries or peasants. I have no trouble picturing the White Tornado, but she doesn't need a sword and shield. She manages just fine with Wand of Logic and the Aura of Attitude. Of course, the White Tornado wasn't present at this Budget Meeting, she heard it all from an unimpeachable source, the Black Queen herself. (We all know the Black Queen is unimpeachable. God knows we've tried!)

Roll up, Roll up for the Destiny Tour
The Magical Destiny Tour is waiting to take you away.
The Lime Green Knight has organized the Magical Destiny Tour for next Tuesday. Unlike the last time, when White Tornado was voted off the island and Silver wasn't even allowed on the boat, both Silver and the White Tornado were able to get tickets. Silver, Sage and the White Tornado are eagerly awaiting the excursion.

Dotland Daily Advertising Supplement

Is your dot agitated? Do you grind your teeth at night? Do you gring them in the daytime? Do you need more of my little white pills? Come see me tomorrow at Purple's Plethoria of Pills, Dotland's apothecary.
Dr. Purple

Unkept promises

I have been thinking of the number of things the Duchy libraries have been promised over the last year. We were promised that the Office Managers had all been well trained to handle the library purchase orders that they had never had to handle before. Not only had they not been trained, it hadn't even been mentioned to many of them. We were told that principals had been told about the new policies with respect to library books and materials. Apparently not. Silver and the White Tornado were told that full-time jobs for them both would be advertised by the end of October, 2006. Really. We were told that there would be a new organization chart That was supposed to happen a couple of weeks ago. These are just the big promises. There have been innumerable small promises that are kind of like the rental car ads...Not exactly. Looking at the promises made by the Black Queen and the success rate of keeping those promises, I can see only two possibilities..that the Black Queen is hopelessly and completely ineffectual or the the Black Queen is a ...never mind. I realize that in the Duchy it isn't the CREAM that rises to the top, but even so, I have difficulty believing that someone completely ineffectual could have risen so close to the top in such a relatively short time. Both the White Tornado and the Lime Green Knight assure us that the Black Queen is working very hard for libraries. Everyone can see that the White Tornado IS working very hard for libraries and we can all see the results. The Lime Green Knight is slightly less visible (funny, you would think Lime Green would always show up really well) however, we can see some results from him as well. The Black Queen, though... The White Tornado and the Lime Green Knight tell us the Black Queen is working very hard for us. How do they know this? The Black Queen has told them it is so and how could they doubt her? The work of the Black Queen doesn't seem to visible to us mere mortals. Perhaps it is virtual. Virtual jobs for the Library Coordinator and Library Technical Coordinator. Virtual office managers trained to handle virtual purchase orders. Leading perhaps to virtual librarians and peasants working in virtual libraries with a virtual budget? Virtual office managers trained to handle the virtual library purchase orders. The real office managers would, of course, handle the real budget and the schools would continue with their real work, which is, as we all know, testing.
TGIF!

Quest for the elusive Job

Silver and Purple are on a Quest for elusive "Technical Coordinator Job". The White Tornado insists that it really does exist. Silver is doubtful but agreed to keep an open mind about it. The White Tornado was able to obtain a description of the "Job" and Silver and Purple pored over it. They were puzzled about some parts of the document which described the "Job" as having the "ability to mange software". Neither Silver nor Purple have mange but both agreed they could probably acquire it. Sage suggested Pima County Animal Control as a possible source of mange. Purple thought possibly her neighbor's dog has mange but said Silver would have to get her own mange. It might all be a moot point anyway. Silver just came back from Job Lookout Point and instead of seeing "Jobs" she saw this

Silver doesn't think this is a "Job" but hasn't seen a real "Job" in a very long time.