The Alternate Universe

I've just finished reading Un Lun Dun by China Mieville, which is about an alternate universe containing all that is broken, discarded or worn out from the "real" universe. UnLondon is only one of the cities in the alternate universe. There is also Parisn't, Lost Angeles, Sans Francisco, No York, Baghdidn't, Hong Gone and so on. I know we've always assumed that the Duchy was part of the "real" universe, but look at the evidence. Clearly the Duchy is broken, the teachers worn out, the educational philosophies we keep pursuing are the those long discarded by assorted business philosophers. Remember "strategic planning"? Remember how it was proclaimed last year that we would all be doing this new "strategic planning" lark? The guru of Strategic Planning, Henry Mintzberg, published "The rise and fall of strategic planning" in 1994! I rest my case. Clearly the Duchy is located in the alternate city of Tucsoff rather than Tucson. Doesn't that explain a lot? Most of our tech is broken when it's delivered. Well, of course it is. It was broken in Tucson and leaked over to us in Tucsoff. Really explains GoG and the Black Queen, doesn't it. In Un Lun Dun, the villains are eliminated with the UnGun, loaded with an assortment of appropriate things. What would the UnGun need to be loaded with to eliminate GoG and the Black Queen? Information might be the silver bullet in both cases. The Black Queen has a real aversion to fact checking. She assured Idea that the JOB would be correctly posted Friday. A simple check of the the Duchy Web site would have revealed that the job is already posted, incorrectly again. Incidentally, there is hope in the alternate universe. Broken things that are completely repaired go back to the real universe. (Ever noticed that the things TS fixes are never completely fixed?) However, broken things can be repurposed. How can the Black Queen be repurposed?

The Rumor Mill

Various interesting tidbits have come to the Rumor Mill lately.

• Duke Roger's end of the year letter once again very sincerely stresses the great importance of intercultural proficiency. (Not a rumor - read the letter here )
• Next year all 9th graders will have to take a 2 semester course in intercultural proficiency - which is not on the AIMS. (rumor)
• At intercultural proficiency meetings, below the level that Duke Roger attends, the main concern is with the lack of intercultural proficiency in faculty and staff. (rumor)
• Most people feel that the way to tackle intercultural proficiency is in early childhood, kindergarten might already be too late. (unsubstantiated - can't quickly find the research)
• A certain gap-toothed ex-Bored member is widely known for interfering in Duchy affairs whenever there is a perceived breech incident of bigotry or racism.
• An excellent Anglo candidate for the Library Coordinator job was just rejected by Duchy Human Resources because her Arizona fingerprint card is out of date...because she has been working at the university level out of state...her out of state fingerprint card was current. This rejection was made by Human Resources without notifying anyone on the hiring committee. (rumor)

All of this raises a LOT of questions. Was the rejection "reverse discrimination" or SHEER OVERWEENING INCOMPETENCE on the part of HR? How would GapTooth have reacted if the rejected candidate had been non-Anglo? How many of GapTooth's past crusades have been motivated by incidents caused not by lack of intercultural proficiency but SHEER INCOMPETENCE? Could all relationships in the Duchy be improved by just insisting that a) the entire faculty and staff do their job competently and b) that the operations of the Duchy be conducted with public oversight instead of always sweeping everything under the rug, thereby attracting the attention of community watchdogs like GapTooth? Does anyone believe that the Duchy doesn't NEED WATCHING? Why doesn't Duke Roger know what the inhabitants of the Castle are DOING? Will the new yearlong course in intercultural proficiency be overseen by Curriculum under the Black Queen? In fairness, the Black Queen is equally incompetent in both cultural and intercultural proficiency. This does not seem like a good recomendation for her position.

Other interesting rumors...

• The Lime Green Knight is miffed because he thinks Silver and Idea have been deciding the Duchy's Destiny without consulting him. (rumor) (A lot of nerve on his part since he picked Destiny without consulting them or anyone else for that matter. Maybe he feels that it's HIS TOY and he shouldn't have to share.)
• The previously sighted Library Coordinator Job beast is being dismissed. Supposedly the beast will reappear "soon" in even finer plumage. (Good thing, that last plumage was piss-poor.)
• Idea will be seen in Dotland erratically (or a least as erratically as Idea can be) until the new Job is permanent. Care to join the pool on when THAT will be?
• The Library Technical Coordinator Job beast will not be seen until after the Library Coordinator Job beast. (rumor)
• The Duchy appears to have sprouted two new departments - Student Services and Teaching and Learning. (Not a rumor - see Job Openings for the two assistant superintendent postings.) (I think Teaching and Learning is a LAME NAME, it lacks flow, also lacks meaning.)

Enough rumors. Happy Memorial Day!

Security risks

The Dots cannot use flash drives because that would be a security risk. However, as Purple pointed out, allowing the chimpanzees in the Castle to run the Duchy is an even greater security risk. Purple, Silver, and Sage were attempting to divine the new Org Chart based on clues in the posted job descriptions. However, they were unable to determine which statements were true clues and which was just normal Duchy incompetence. At that point they gave up on the org chart and turned to other possibilities. The Dots were closely questioning YellowandBlack Dot about the new Cannon in Bombs and Engineering. YellowandBlack assured them that the Cannon was a compact model and would easily fit in a car trunk. "Oh, good." said Sage, "No trailer hitch". ("At this point there's a gap in the recording." "What recording?" "Never mind. Just ignore the little antennas in the leftoever cherry tomatoes.") "(inaudible)...back up to the front doors, pop the trunk, fire a volley through the front doors, and leave." said Sage. "A drive-by volley!" crowed Silver. "But's a Canon, not a cannon." said YellowandBlack. "Doesn't matter" said Purple, "It'll still work. We can bury them in paper." (The rest of the conversation was lost when someone ate the cherry tomato.)

As the Duchy turns

The Job sightings get stranger and stranger. Supposedly there were two, count them two, applicants for last week's strangely described "Teacher-Librarian" sort-of coordinator. Boy, the world is really beating a path to the door. Now this week there are a plethora of other jobs. There is the CIO of Technology and Telecommunications Services, which is really interesting because Telecommunications packed his bags and moved to Facilities several months ago. Does this mean there has been a reconciliation? Then there is the CEO of Educational Support Services. That would be the CIO's boss, maybe? Now there is the Assistant Superintendent of Student Services. Is Student Services over Educational Support Services? The CEO of ESS used to report directly to Duke Phfffr. Has the CEO been demoted before being hired? But my personal favorite new job is the Assistant Superintendent Teaching & Learning. WHAT?!! The obvious thought is that the Duchy has changed CITI into T&L (not to be confused with T&A). However, there two NEW jobs listed for CITI. Does that mean that T&L is a NEW department? (Starting salary is $100,000 for the assistant super. Way to reduce administrative costs!) Do we get to guess who's going to get that job? Supposedly there is a new org chart and Libraries are not under Customer Service. Libraries are, however, understaffed, underfunded, underappreciated, underused, and perennially under threat of being eliminated. The new org chart is apparently invisible, sort of the Duke's new org chart. Everyone says it's wonderful but us commoners can't see it.
Back to the question of TiTS. Since Telecommunications has abandoned his partners, we are left with just TS, which appears to be the new department motto. Silver thought we should be able to use flash drives for exchanging information and put in a request for that to happen. Which was denied by the Preventor of Information Technology, head of TS. Exchanging information is a security risk and we will have none of that in this Duchy. (Does this explain our AIMS scores?)

CI, CI, O

Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O
And in the duchy he had some schools
CI, CI, O
With a test, test here and a fail, fail there
Here a test, there a fail, everywhere a test failed
Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O

Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O
And in the duchy he had a network
CI, CI, O
With a router down here and a switch down there
Here a dead hub, there no connection, everywhere a network failed
Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O

Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O
In that duchy he needed a -- CIO
CI, CI, O
With new software here, old hardware there,
Here no M&O, there a Soft Capital Committee, everywhere a Duchy failed
Old Duke Phfffr had a duchy
CI, CI, O

Will this CIO last longer than the last Director of Technology and Telecommunications?
When this CIO quits, will his resignation letter be printed in the daily paper?
CI, CI, O!

Bombs and Engineering

Today Yellow/Black announced that Bombs and Engineering had acquired a new cannon. They are very pleased about it but the other Dots were somewhat nervous. Is Bombs and Engineering preparing for war with Busland over the new No Parking lot? (Normally it would be called a parking lot but since no one parks there and it's usually locked, it's more of a No Parking lot. ) The White Tornado will turn into a pumpkin in a few short weeks. This will leave the Dots once again at the mercy of the Black Queen and GoG. There are rumors about the new Org Chart. Will Librarians have to wear caps and ask "Would you like fries with that?"? Rumor is that instead of a new head of TS there will instead be a Duchy CIO (Chief Information Officer) just as if the Duchy were a real organization. Perhaps the CIO will be the Lime Green Knight. (Although he would be more of a CDO, Chief Disinformation Officer.) Then GoG could be the new Library Coordinator and the Librarians could all retire and move to a more library friendly state, maybe Utah.

The Job Chimera

The Job Beast is definitely some sort of Chimera. The White Tornado had a detailed description which seems to bear no relationship to the current Job Beast. Speculation now is that this is a genetically engineered beast created specifically for ... (gasp)....GoG. In addition to the Job Beast we were apparently supposed to see another fabled creature this week, the new Org Chart. The New and Improved Org Chart was waved briefly in front of the audience at this week's meeting of the Bored. However, a few members of the audience were unfortunately still awake so the Bored tabled the New and Improved Org Chart until another meeting away from curious public taxpayer eyes. Hmmmm.

The Magical Destiny Tour

Sage and Silver and the White Tornado were first in line for the Magical Destiny Tour, tickets in hand, eager to see the wonders of Destiny. Also present were the Lime Green Knight, some folks from Follay, Bookstore Guy, 2 Librarians, HighTech Guy, some folks from TS, and some Desert Tribesmen. It's a very popular tour and very, very interesting. All kinds of int-ter-resting information. Silver thought the Lime Green Knight would be the tour guide, but he seemed to be more interested in concealing information than dispensing it. Follay asked when the Destiny servers would be delivered. The Lime Green Knight said he didn't know. Follay asked what district wide library policies we had. The Lime Green Knight said "We'll discuss that later." Follay asked who was in charge of textbooks for the district. The Lime Green Knight said "We'll have to talk about that later." Follay asked which central office bought the textbooks. Uh, none. Which central office receives the textbooks and distributes them to the schools? Uh, none. Who is responsible for the textbooks? Uh, nobody. Follay said, "Well, the ultimate goal will be to handle textbooks centrally in order to save money." (Quick now, how many people have heard both the Black Queen and the White Queen say, "All of the budgets are going to the sites in the future and this will never change. The budgets will never come back to central.") Follay stopped short of asking why we bought this sucker when we apparently don't ever plan to use it the way it was intended to be used. In the meantime, Bookstore Guy is calmly explaining why Destiny won't work for them and besides Pooh Bear Software is working wonderfully already. (Wait a minute. I thought Bookstore Guy wanted Destiny. Oops, guess not.) Then we moved on to the question of student records. This was the Desert Tribes turn. Silver has been asking White Tornado for weeks if the Desert Tribes had been part of the decision making process. This was news to the Desert Tribe. They said, "Wait a minute, no one told us that WE had anything to do with this. We can't do anything. Our schedule is completely booked. We have caravans scheduled for every day from know until the Harvest Moon. We can't help in ANY WAY." Then the Desert Tribe went back to their tent. Bookstore Guy and HighTech Guy had both been listening to the negotiation with the Desert Tribe and they said "Wait a minute, this means that Destiny won't do what the Finance Offices want either." Hmmmmmm. Has someone bought a pig in a poke? The Desert Tribe did come back and say that they would help with some basic things, nothing too complicated. After that things moved on to library issues which were much less interesting. After all the library folks have already opened the poke and examined the pig as thoroughly as possible what with the Lime Green Knight trying to keep the poke closed and the pig out of sight.
In other news, the Job Beast is a chameleon - or maybe a chimera. This morning it was of the Library Services species. Tonight it's of the CITI species. (Isn't CITI some sleazy offshore banking operation?)

The Magical Destiny Tour

Sage and Silver and the White Tornado were first in line for the Magical Destiny Tour, tickets in hand, eager to see the wonders of Destiny. Also present were the Lime Green Knight, some folks from Follay, Bookstore Guy, 2 Librarians, HighTech Guy, some folks from TS, and some Desert Tribesmen. It's a very popular tour and very, very interesting. All kinds of int-ter-resting information. Silver thought the Lime Green Knight would be the tour guide, but he seemed to be more interested in concealing information than dispensing it. Follay asked when the Destiny servers would be delivered. The Lime Green Knight said he didn't know. Follay asked what district wide library policies we had. The Lime Green Knight said "We'll discuss that later." Follay asked who was in charge of textbooks for the district. The Lime Green Knight said "We'll have to talk about that later." Follay asked which central office bought the textbooks. Uh, none. Which central office receives the textbooks and distributes them to the schools? Uh, none. Who is responsible for the textbooks? Uh, nobody. Follay said, "Well, the ultimate goal will be to handle textbooks centrally in order to save money." (Quick now, how many people have heard both the Black Queen and the White Queen say, "All of the budgets are going to the sites in the future and this will never change. The budgets will never come back to central.") Follay stopped short of asking why we bought this sucker when we apparently don't ever plan to use it the way it was intended to be used. In the meantime, Bookstore Guy is calmly explaining why Destiny won't work for them and besides Pooh Bear Software is working wonderfully already. (Wait a minute. I thought Bookstore Guy wanted Destiny. Oops, guess not.) Then we moved on to the question of student records. This was the Desert Tribes turn. Silver has been asking White Tornado for weeks if the Desert Tribes had been part of the decision making process. This was news to the Desert Tribe. They said, "Wait a minute, no one told us that WE had anything to do with this. We can't do anything. Our schedule is completely booked. We have caravans scheduled for every day from know until the Harvest Moon. We can't help in ANY WAY." Then the Desert Tribe went back to their tent. Bookstore Guy and HighTech Guy had both been listening to the negotiation with the Desert Tribe and they said "Wait a minute, this means that Destiny won't do what the Finance Offices want either." Hmmmmmm. Has someone bought a pig in a poke? The Desert Tribe did come back and say that they would help with some basic things, nothing too complicated. After that things moved on to library issues which were much less interesting. After all the library folks have already opened the poke and examined the pig as thoroughly as possible what with the Lime Green Knight trying to keep the poke closed and the pig out of sight.
In other news, the Job Beast is a chameleon - or maybe a chimera. This morning it was of the Library Services species. Tonight it's of the CITI species. (Isn't CITI some sleazy offshore banking operation?)

A Sighting!!

One of the legendary Job Beasts has been sighted at this location. It is supposed to remain visible until Friday. The description is somewhat sketchy and the Beast appears to be somewhat undersized, but it's definitely a Job Beast. Let's see, it took the Black Queen 8 months to get a 2 sentence description posted. Will wonders never cease?

The Quest, redux

Occasionally I begin to think that I misjudge the Black Queen. I begin to think that I'm really exaggerating, artistic license, you know. No one can be that devious, even more, no one human can convince the White Tornado, over and over, that the Coordinator Job beast really exists. However, once again, her Blackness exceeds expectations and once again the Coordinator Job is nowhere to be seen. Yesterday the White Tornado related another story from the Black Queen. In a dreaded Budget Meeting, someone suggested cutting 4 hours of peasant time from every village in the land. Everyone around the table nodded solemnly, "Yes, it will be so." But the Black Queen sprang up, sword and shield in hand, and valiantly defended the peasants 4 hours until the Meeting gave up and went back to sleep. Somehow, I have trouble visualizing the Black Queen defending libraries or peasants. I have no trouble picturing the White Tornado, but she doesn't need a sword and shield. She manages just fine with Wand of Logic and the Aura of Attitude. Of course, the White Tornado wasn't present at this Budget Meeting, she heard it all from an unimpeachable source, the Black Queen herself. (We all know the Black Queen is unimpeachable. God knows we've tried!)

Roll up, Roll up for the Destiny Tour
The Magical Destiny Tour is waiting to take you away.
The Lime Green Knight has organized the Magical Destiny Tour for next Tuesday. Unlike the last time, when White Tornado was voted off the island and Silver wasn't even allowed on the boat, both Silver and the White Tornado were able to get tickets. Silver, Sage and the White Tornado are eagerly awaiting the excursion.