Speed D*Ting comes to the Duchy

The Duchy, always on the ragged cutting badly sharpened raw edge, introduced Speed D*Ting recently. For those not up on Duchy phenomena, D*Ting is what happens when a school decides it no longer needs a teacher, or a school nurse, or a custodian, or an attendance clerk, or a librarian or a principal. (However, schools that are no longer that into their principals have recently discovered that the Duchy doesn't consider principals suitable for D*Ting. I guess no-fault divorce hasn't yet hit the administrative levels of the Duchy.) One of the Duchy's newly "separated" librarians recently attended the Duchy's venture into Speed D*Ting. She is only separated half-time (That must be awkward!) and wants to meet a good school with a sense of humor interested in a long term relationship. Picture a big room filled with small tables with two chairs. A school principal is seated in one of the chairs at each table. The prospective D*Ter (or is it D*Tee?) sits down in the other chair and they chat. After 5 minutes, a bell rings and the D*Ters (or D*Tees) all shift down one table. Can you picture it? Well, it was probably nothing like that.
Of course, Dotland wants to know why Turquoise wasn't invited to this soiree. As you know, Turquoise was D*Ted several months ago. Instead of being offered a roomful of choices, Turquoise was offered a sort of Hobson's Choice...a job already occuppied by a friend and colleague or a job with lower pay and more job-related expenses.
HR: We would like you go to this office and tell the person working there that you're replacing her.
Turquoise: But what's she supposed to do?
HR: We'll deal with that. You just replace her.
Turquoise: I don't want to do that. She's my friend. What's she going to do?
HR: Well, we do have one other job you could have.
Turquoise: What is it?
HR: If you drive down to I-10. Oh, wait, I-10 is closed. Drive up to Prince, get on I-10 there, drive to I-19, take I-19 south to Drexel. Oh, wait, there's no exit at Drexel. Continue on to Valencia, Take Valencia to Meadowvale, then take Meadowvale back to Drexel. You get the picture. It will only take a half hour or so a day each way for the drive.
Turquoise: What is the job?
HR: Their library needs a Peasant. And oh, by the way, that job doesn't start until August. Have a good summer. I'm sure there are lots of free things to do since you won't have any income.
Turquoise: But I can't afford to take that job!
HR: Those are the only choices.
Turquoise: I thought you said you would work with me to find a job that was a good fit for me.

(silence followed by a dial tone)
Turquoise: We must have lost the connection. I'll call back.
HR: I'm sorry. That department is no longer in service.

We've also learned that the Duchy Castle is cutting their staff by 20% except for HR. HR won't be cut by 20% until after the Speed D*Ting is over because "their expertise will be needed".
Dotland was discussing that expertise at the lunch table, attempting to come up with a job description.
Sage: Let's see, there's misfiling. They need that skill.
Silver: Don't forget shredding. They have to be able to find and shred Teaching Certificates. It's very important that documents get shredded before they are needed. There is no point in shredding them afterwards.
Indigo: They have to be able to lose PAF's as well.
Silver: What about lying?
Turquoise: They might not be lying. Someone might have sneaked into the castle, secretly injected everyone there with a date rape drug, and masqueraded as an HR employees, so they could steal your file after date stamping your copy of the paperwork and handing it back to you. That would account for why they say they have no idea why you have a complete date stamped copy of your file and they not only can't find the file but have never seen you before in their entire life. (But Mom, it's me! Your daughter!)
Silver: Oh that's another thing they need...a complete inability to find anything is a filing cabinet. When someone slips up and files the paperwork correctly, the rest of the employees have to be on their toes and avoid finding it.

Don't forget HR is the HeaRt of the Duchy. If you take HR out you're left with eat. Without HR Duchy employees might be able to eat, because their PAF's would actually be processed before they started work, rather than 3 months after. Without HR to add inefficiency and wasted time to the system, the Duchy might be able to operate within it's budget. That would never do. The School Bored does so adore begging for money from the legislature and budget overrides from the pitchfork carrying taxpayers.