Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The Black Queen's easy 5 step plan for eliminating libraries

Step 1. Eliminate library leadership and library advocacy. King Hairboy took care of this one for the Black Queen.
Step 2. Convince principals that library staff must not be allowed out of the villages. If possible, make sure library staff teach reading for 2 to 4 hours a day. This will keep them from having the time or opportunity to enter conspiracies to actually improve libraries. If you make them teach a reading block in the library that has the double benefit of tying up the librarians time and making sure no one else can use the library as a library.
Step 3. Make the libraries do all of their own purchasing paperwork. You can use site-based budgeting as an excuse. Tell the librarians the the village offices know exactly how to handle the paperwork. Make sure you DON'T tell the offices how to handle the paperwork. If necessary keep changing procedures until ordering becomes impossible.
Step 4. Eliminate all central support of libraries. Again, you can use site-based budgeting as the excuse. It will work better if you eliminate most central support of technology at the same time. Remember to reserve a little bit of technology support for step 5.
Step 5. Buy a new library automation program designed to run centrally. This is where your reserved techies come in. You need to have enough techies left to intall the new program and remove the old programs...but not enough techies to make the new program run. Once the new program is in place, you can get rid of the remaining techies. After all, you don't intend for anyone to actually use this program.

At this point, any librarians who haven't already retired will be too tired and discouraged to mount any opposition when you point out to the Duchy Bored that libraries have become unused spaces (step 2) full of out-of-date material (step 3) where no one can check out books any way (step 5). Getting the Bored to turn over the library budgets to you for "more appropriate" spending should be a cakewalk.

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