A story, a story

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, an unemployed young electronic messenger named Bot was looking desparately for work. While pounding the pavements he spotted a nondescript card stuck on a nondescript door on a nondescript building. "Messenger wanted. Only one delivery per day. Uniform and bicycle supplied. Apply within. Ajax Employment" Entering, Bot found a nondescript beige man behind a nondescript desk. Hearing Bot enter, the man looked up and said "Excellent! Can you start immediately? We can fit you for your uniform now." Bot agreed and the Beige ushered Bot into a back room where minions fitted him with shiny blue bicycling shorts with a silver stripe and a shiny blue and silver jersey. "Now you can sign your contract and we can go over your duties. Every night at midnight you will go to the Mojave building. Ring the bell beside the door and a drawer will slide out of the wall. In it will be a package and your day's pay. Take the package and ride as fast as you can to Destiny Castle. When you reach Destiny Castle, ring the bell. A voice from a concealed speaker will ask you for a password. The password is Habaneer. Repeat that for me." Dutifully Bot said "Habaneer". "Excellent. After you give the password a mail slot on the door will open. Drop the package inside and leave. Do not under any circumstances ever say anything but Habaneer. Do not tell anyone else of this. Are you ready?" Bot said "I think so?" Beige replied "Excellent! We will have one trial run immediately. Take the bicycle outside and go through the whole sequence and report back here immediately." Bot left on the shiny new blue and chrome bicycle outside the door and peddled away on his errand. It all went just as the man said, until Bot arrived at Destiny Castle. When Bot said "Habaneer", there was a horrible grating noise and the entire front door shook but no slot appeared. With great trepidation, Bot hurried back to Ajax still carrying the package. The man glowered when he saw him and barked "What happened?" Bot described the events at the Castle. Still glowering Beige strode into the back room and slammed the door behind him. Try as he might Bot could hear nothing but the slight murmur of voices from behind the door. At length, Beige reappeared all smiles, "Not to worry. Slight misunderstanding. The real password is Sonora. Don't forget now! Sonora! Now try it one more time." This time the trial went without a hitch. When he reported the results to Beige, Beige replied "Excellent. Your first delivery is tonight. Don't forget. You have a signed contract. Failure to make the delivery could result in grave consequences for everyone. You may keep the bicycle." Midnight found Bot picking up the package. Again all went well until Bot reached Destiny Castle. This time when he said "Sonora" there was a high pitched whine but the slot did not open. Aghast Bot starred at the slot and then hurried back to Ajax Employment. To his great dismay, the card was gone and the door was now labelled "International Clown College". What was Bot to do? How to make the delivery? All night Bot hurried between Mojave and Destiny searching for someone to tell him what to do. Giving up at dawn, he slept a few hours and then hurried back to International Clown College. Pushing inside he searched for Beige or some sign of Beige or some word of Beige or Destiny or Mojave but found only clowns with no interest in talking to him. Finally he gave up and returned home for the day, storing the package in a safe place in his cozy cubby. Midnight came and he tried again with the same results. As the days came and went Bot was getting richer but his cubby was filling up with undelivered packages. Finally one midnight, when he arrived at the Mojave building, the door was surrounded by a crowd of men with clipboards. He caught glimpses of Beige in the thick of the crowd. Beige glanced his way and waved him to silence. In due course, the crowd dispersed and Beige waved Bot forward. "We were wrong. All along the password really was Habaneer. Don't forget! Habaneer." With that Beige handed Bot the night's package and vanished. Hopefully Bot rode to Destiny and rang the bell. The voice asked "Password?" and Bot replied "Habaneer". The slot slid smoothly open and Bot placed the package inside. Before the slot slid all of the way closed, Bot heard a distant voice from inside the castle say "Habaneer two weeks waiting for this Destiny title search to finish!"

This is a true story and a homage to the late great Peter Sellers and the legendary Goon Show.